


Collide

by LillithEvans



Series: Destination [2]
Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2018-12-13 02:16:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11749986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LillithEvans/pseuds/LillithEvans
Summary: One week. One week is all it took for Hwang Minhyun's life to come crashing down around him.One week was all it took for Hwang Minhyun to recognize the mistakes he's made in his life.But one week isn't enough time to turn back the clock ten years.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday to my beloved emperor <3 I will always love and support you :)!
> 
> (guys it's Minhyun's birthday how could I not - also I've been working on this Wedding series bc I have too much Wedding inspo on my hands)

Minhyun sees him a lot.

Well okay, he doesn't actually see him a lot. In fact until this week he hadn't seen him in years.

But even if they hadn't physically looked at each other in years - Minhyun has never really not seen him because with enough free time his mind has always wandered away from him and into the restricted section of his memory center - and almost always the smiling face of Kim Jonghyun worms it's way uncomfortably into his consciousness.

He’s always been there really – he’s never really left Minhyun's mind. Not once.

At the end of the day, this is the reason that Minhyun is standing here - alone in his dressing room, in front of this long ceiling to floor mirror wearing a tuxedo fitted to his exact proportions. This is the reason that he is staring at himself confused if what he’s about to do in the next few minutes makes sense.

Logically, of course it does. It’s the most wonderful thing in the world to marry a girl you’ve been dating for the past three years...and Doyeon does make him happy but - that is it. Doyeon has always been like medicine. She's wonderful, bright, enigmatic and a force that no one can deny, not even Minhyun. 

She masks the turmoil in his heart easily with her demeanor and affection. She makes him feel whole for a second  - but in the end when it's just him again like it is now in front of the mirror, everything is still there. Right under the surface of his heart - waiting to yell and scream and shout.

The biggest mistake he's made is that he's never killed it. He's never killed the 17 year old Minhyun inside of him that continues to scream for justice, that continues to scream a name that he cannot reach out to.

He can see it clear as day, because his mind has never let him forget.

It was a hot day, he'd been sweating because he'd run a million miles to Jonghyun's house. He'd been there before - but never before had he felt like it was this far away from him. When his feet finally find #14 on this broken down street his body stilled immediately because there, outside, on his own doorstep, is Kim Jonghyun - and he was crying.

Minhyun couldn't actually see Jonghyun's tears, but he knew his best friend  better than anyone else in the world. He knew Jonghyun was crying because the boy has curled into himself, curved shoulders shaking with every breath he took.

Minhyun absolutely lost it. He ran up to Jonghyun and grabbed him, pulling him by the same shoulders he'd held so preciously before. Then he cried, he screamed, he yelled - and that was when Minhyun realized the only person in the world who could make him lose all control of his very rational self was this person who had betrayed him.

It is that 17 year old Minhyun today that is giving him trouble. It is that 17 year old Minhyun who is irrationally demanding that he seek out Jonghyun. 

“Are you ready?” A voice calls at the door. It’s Dongho standing there looking at him like he’s expecting Minhyun to ask him a question instead of answer one himself.

“Of course.” He smiles back easily, his eyes quickly covering the confusion in his mind with a sparkle that no one could peer through. Minhyun is remarkably good at pretending he’s okay. It’s always been one of his talents.

So he straightens his jacket and accompanies his best man through the white halls of the Fairmont Orchid resort in Hawaii.

But despite how he looks, Minhyun cannot bring himself to speak today. The silence between the two friends who never had a quiet moment between them weighs heavily in the air until Dongho finally sighs deeply and holds a hand out on Minhyun's chest stopping him. “You okay?” Dongho looks at him pointedly. “I mean – the past few days haven't been easy on  you.”

“The past few days don’t matter.” He deflects easily.

“What about the past few years then?” Dongho responds back just as easily. “I love you, Minhyun – I know you’re trying to do the best you can. I know you don’t want to think about it but – you went to find him. He didn’t come to you. You did that for a reason.” Dongho is rubbing salt on an open fresh wound that Minhyun cannot ignore and he feels his face crack for a second before it’s back up.

He can deflect that as well. “Am I supposed to ignore my childhood best friend and pretend he's not on the island?”

“Is that all he is? I thought that was what I was.” Dongho snickers and shrugs. Minhyun hates him because Dongho knows too well - Dongho knows too much but he also knows Dongho would never use that against him. If Minhyun wanted to lie, even to himself, Dongho would help him do it. “Okay, I know better than to ask things of you but- I just want you to know that no matter what it’s okay to make any decision you want." Minhyun feels himself nod robotically moving past his friend's strong palm until Dongho holds him back. "Minhyun, just remember you're not 17 anymore."

As they look at each other, Minhyun feels his throat close on itself. It feels like permission. It shouldn't but it does.

They’ve reached the steeple where Seongwoo and Daniel are standing at the grand doorways, laughing with each other. “You ready?” Seongwoo asks brightly completely unaware of the inner turmoil he's facing. 

Minhyun feels himself weakly smile and nod. Everyone keeps asking him. _‘Are you ready?’_

He knows people are asking him if he’s ready for the rest of his life with Doyeon...but it feels like people are asking him if he’s ready to paint over the memories he has of Kim Jonghyun.

This is a question that burns into his chest because he cannot answer it. He will not answer it. He cannot possibly let his mind fall into this trap...he knows he's not strong enough to say yes to that question.

He never will be.

“Is he okay?” He hears Minki ask Dongho from the back and he sees the latter shake his head lightly from the corner of his eye. “Does he need space?” They whisper so Seongwoo doesn’t hear, but Minhyun hears it all and it doesn’t matter.

Because what he needs isn’t space, or this opulent wedding or the approving smiles of everyone around him.

What he needs is back in that little shack off the coast of the beach, wrapped in some floral shirt, with windswept hair and sun-kissed lips that will finally tell him –

What he needs is answers.


	2. Wrecking Balls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi. a few things before we start. This story will flitter across timelines - and there's a bunch so let's set a few of them up.
> 
> The Wedding Week - where the prologue happened (closer to the end of that week, we won't touch on this for some time)  
> Pre-Wedding - we'll go there this chapter (we'll go there this chapter too and pretty much quite a few of the next chapters)  
> Minhyun's past - we'll go there this chapter too (and pretty much every chapter). Indicated by an _italicized_ font
> 
> ty :)

“HAWAII BITCHES. HAWAII. HAWAII. HAWAII.” The lights dance through _**Alice**_ , the Alice in Wonderland themed lounge that Minki had dragged them all to the moment Minhyun had announced they needed to all meet up.

Minhyun couldn’t help but laugh happily as he watched Minki wander through the keyhole entrance at their private booth to the dance floor to sweat out his happiness.

Out of everyone they were taking the time to separately invite to their wedding in person - he’d known Minki would be the most excited by the news. Hell the guy was more excited than Doyeon had been when she’d finally made up her mind on where she wanted to get married.

“Hey, did we decide on Hawaii for Minki or was it for me? I’m feeling a bit confused right now seeing him grind up on that golf club looking pole.” His bride is teasing him and he fakes an exaggerated frown as he pinched her nose lightly. “Hey!”

“Excuse me, Kim Doyeon but we definitely picked Hawaii for you- Minki’s happiness is only a close second benefit.” When she laughs, Minhyun feels his heart accelerate quickly - especially when the laugh is followed by a quick press of her lips on his.

He’s caught so off-guard he completely forgets to close his eyes and instead finds himself peering like a complete fool into his fiance’s eyelashes.

“Gross guys. I know you’re into each other but please – not when we’re outside.” As her lips part from his, Minhyun’s eyes glance over to the grumpy male who had just voiced his concerns, Kang Dongho. Doyeon immediately holds up a palm in apology to their workaholic friend but she's really not apologetic at all if the smug smile on her face is anything to go by. “Besides - Minki being this excited about Hawaii is not a good thing. Minhyun do you even remember Vegas? This is going to be way worse. You're giving him open bar access! So, while you two are all busy with your wedding I'm going to be the one babysitting Minki and making sure he doesn't end up with an STD again so I don't have to go through that awkward English translation conversation again with the doctor.” Dongho takes a deep breath shaking his head. “So - now that it's settled on Hawaii, do I still have to take care of being best man and baby Minki or can we like get something settled with someone else-?”

Doyeon immediately drops her playful gaze, turning up the dial on her already fierce personality so that there would be no more arguments from official party poopers like Kang Dongho. “Yah - Kang Dongho- shut the fuck up. You love being best man. I’ve already assigned you to that role so you can’t back out now. The wedding party is all matched by proportions and you're perfect with my maid of honor-”

“Yeah – my proportions have me walking down the aisle with Yoojung. That’s gonna be freaking great. Everything I’ve always dreamed of to be honest. Me in a tux, Yoojung in a dress - her pulling my hair out while everyone watches, laughs and takes pictures for their snap stories. It’ll be great.” Dongho rolls his eyes. At that interpretation of their pairing even Doyeon can’t keep her straight bossy face on. “WHAT?”

“Nothing – I mean it’s just cute how you don’t like Yoojung either. Just like Seong-song." Dongho makes a face.

"Dear god - you call him Seongsong? That's actually disgusting."

"SEE! He hates that name too! You honestly act more like Seongwoo than you know Dongho. You guys have so much in common! Are you sure-“ Minhyun feels himself snicker when Doyeon leaves the end purposefully blank so Dongho can assume his own worst nightmare.

“Doyeon, you know I love you like a sister but I have to be honest - I don’t like ANYONE in your family. LEAST of all Seongwoo. So I'm sorry but we'll never be related.”

 “That’s not fair.” Minhyun looks at him pointedly but Dongho pretends to not see it as he turns away from his friend. “See, I seem to remember you and Seongwoo getting along fine until YOU fucked it up.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Dongho waves him off but Minhyun sees the way the adam’s apple in his throat bobs nervously as Dongho downs the rest of his whiskey and calls for another which is immediately poured by their personal bartender.

Minhyun can easily remind him. After all – he has a soft spot for Seongwoo. “Remember my last birthday? We all went out clubbing and you two were stuck to each other all night UNTIL you bet him that you could get some guy’s number – and then got progressively pissed when that guy chose to go home with Seongwoo instead. Karma's a bitch so don’t be such a baby Dongho – you were the one who challenged him!”

Doyeon immediately bursts out laughing. “Oh, is that how it happened?” As her laughs grew more riotous, Dongho could only groan into the palms of his hands. “Wah – Dongho you really need help, my child. That’s not how you woo anyone.”

“Excuse me – I was really not trying to woo your cousin in the first place? And fine, I agree he was a semi-decent human being until I saw his true personality. Satisfied?” Dongho is only further irritated when he hears Minhyun’s sarcastic scoff in the middle of his mini rant. “Yo, Hwang Minhyun - why are we friends again?”

“Just admit it – you were interested in Seongwoo romantically and you made a mistake.”

Dongho looks like he's been physically assaulted. “I was not romantically interested in Doyeon's mental cousin. Once a snake, always a snake – I can’t even fathom the thought of us together. Plus! The fact that 'Seongsong' fell for that bait loser and went home with that guy just proves that we really don’t match at all, even as friends, so it’s a great thing we didn’t end up together despite your best efforts." Dongho takes a deep breath as both Doyeon and Minhyun frown and look at each other with the same pointed expression of _'Who is he trying to convince? Us or himself?'_ _._ Observing this exchange, Dongho immediately adds. "Also – he’s not even that good looking.”

"Excuse me - that is so-" Doyeon is completely ready to defend her truly gorgeous cousin.

Dongho winks at her. “Doyeonnie- you took all those good genes from the fam!”

“Okay fine – relative to me he’s not that good looking.” Doyeon giggles girlishly batting her eyelashes. Minhyun can't help it - when she does that he always finds her incredibly adorable. He finds his fingers of their own volition pinching her cheeks. “Yah Minhyun - stop that! It hurts.”

“Your cheeks get all red when I pinch them though!” He feels himself nuzzle into her hair and Dongho growls.

“Yah – Hwang Minhyun – it’s called biology. You know your fingers are bringing blood to the surface of her skin she'll get red–“

“Shut up Dongho- you kill everything romantic - how the hell are you such a popular composer, lyricist, general music person anyways?" Doyeon snickers. “I know you don’t want to hear it but I STILL think Seongwoo and you would be SO good together. This could be your chance to reconnect.” Minhyun watches Dongho’s face turn to him for help since Doyeon obviously has one goal in mind and one goal only.

Of course, Minhyun offers him no help against his persuasive wife to be. Let Dongho dig himself out of this hole. He’s the one who dug himself in there in the first place.

“Honestly, I love both you and Minhyun – but just because you two are getting married and you want Seongwoo and I to get together because we both swing that way doesn’t mean it's a good match.” Dongho raises his glass in a toast. “Nice try though! A+ for effort.” He adds when he sees Doyeon deflate and shake her head.

Thankfully, for both Dongho and Doyeon, their conversation is cut short by Minki crashing into Minhyun's shoulder so ferociously Minhyun practically has to juggle to keep the wine glass in his hand. 

“HAWAII. HAWAII. HAWAII!” Minki drunkenly chides cutely waving his hands around his face. Minhyun can only laugh as Minki continues to dance right in front of them. “HAWAII. ALL EXPENSES PAID! WHY ARE YOU THE FREAKING BEST HWANG MINHYUN?”

“I have to admit – I am kind of the best.” Minhyun sticks his tongue out when he sees Dongho shake his head, obviously disagreeing given the past few minutes of conversation.

“Minki, why the hell are you so happy about Hawaii?” Doyeon’s words are released with a bit of a huff so Minki rolls over to her side of the booth quietly resting his head on her shoulder.

“Doyeon. Please. It’s sun. It’s beaches. It’s hot. It’s Pina Coladas by the freaking pool. Do I NEED MORE REASONS? BACHELOR PARTY IN PARADISE-“ Doyeon immediately gives him a look that has Minki rolling his eyes. “Please – what do you have to worry about? The worst it’ll get is I’ll drag him to one of those new-age male and female strip clubs and get him a lap dance from a hot waiter. I know my limits.”

Oh god no- Minhyun feels the smile slip off his face. “This is the payment I get for being the best?! Seriously guys - I don’t want a lap dance from a guy. Or a girl. Or any person, place, animal or thing because this is how clear I have to be with you crazies. I also don’t want a lap dance from either of you.”

“A bit late for that after Vegas-“ Dongho cracks up as Doyeon raises an eyebrow her mouth formed in a perfect ‘O’.

“You trash – you never sent me pictures.”

“Yo – I am his friend first you know. He's going to be the future CEO of half our country - gotta protect his rep and keep it off SNS.” Regardless of this very sane explanation Doyeon pouts.

“Whatever – I’m changing my new favourite Minhyun's friend to Daniel. Kang Dongho you NEVER do anything I want you to do.”

Dongho laughs. “Daniel is literally a baby and his family. He's not Minhyun's friend.”

“Correction – you guys treat Daniel like a baby." Doyeon wiggles her fingers pointedly. “He’s actually only one year younger than Minhyun and you know what – he likes me because I don’t treat him like a baby and he always does what I tell him to!”

“He is my nephew. He does it because you're technically his aunt.” Minhyun snickers not catching the beam of brightness on Doyeon's face. “You should treat him like the baby he is. He is my favourite too though - the rest of my family's kids are pretty much all too much work. He's such a good dancer too!”

Minki suddenly frowns, taking the implication of Minhyun's words far too seriously. “Do you want a lap dance from Daniel then? That’s weird Minhyun. I mean he is basically the hottest model right now so I get it but the whole relative thing-“ Doyeon howls like a hyena covering her mouth as she sees Minhyun literally burst into flames.

Has Minhyun mentioned he hates his friends? He hates his friends. “Oh my god, you creep! I do not want a lap dance from Daniel!”

“This some weird Game of Thrones shit happening up in here- but whatever floats your boat Minhyun." Dongho laughs downing his second glass of whiskey as he watches Minhyun get more and more flustered.

Revenge was a dish best served by Choi Minki.

“PLEASE LISTEN.” When Minhyun's small but ridiculously raucous group of three quiets to look at him he’s almost proud of himself. He wants to just stand back and admire his hard work at getting them all to shut up long enough to hear something other than the sound of their own voices.

Then he realizes how hard it would be to get them to listen to him again for an extended period of time and quickly relays his message. “Please note - I do not want a lap dance. Thank you for your attention – please go back to being lunatics.”

Minhyun is completely floored when Doyeon sultrily leans on her palms and tilts her face up at him with more than a smile behind her lips. “What if it was from me?”

Minki and Dongho both immediately break into hollering laughs seeing how quickly their friend was silenced by the now blushing Doyeon.

Minhyun can only gape, his mouth left ajar as his mind tried to comprehend the thought of his very attractive future. “You broke him Doyeon – he’s literally a broken man.” Minki snickers as he ruffles Minhyun’s hair.  “Just to clarify though - you’re fine with a little lap dance though right?”

“Yeah – if it’s as a joke it’s fine. Nothing more though please – I don’t need to compete with anything before my wedding day.” Doyeon shrugs it off as she pats Minhyun on the shoulders using her fingers to knead into the tension that has set in on his shoulders. “Relax you big stress ball. Also, have I told you that I love that all your best friends are into guys?”

While Minki coos at the praise, Dongho has immediately taken offense to the term. “Excuse me - please remember that I am a pansexual.”

“You mean bi?” Doyeon corrects him as Dongho looks at her shaking his head ready to have a conversation they’ve had multiple times over the past few years. “Right right – pansexuals reject the idea of gender being a classifier in sexual attraction - so you can be attracted to a stick or a dog or a pan! Ergo – pansexual.”

Minki sputters back a laugh at Dongho’s reddening face. “I am mildly offended by that horrible interpretation of pansexualism and Doyeonnie I’m only letting you get away with this because you’re my best friend’s girl.”

“Uh huh – sure.” Doyeon played with the rim of her wine glass. “Hey! What about that one time you jokingly texted me that you were confused by your reaction to the Gordon Ramsey dinnerware collection?”

Minki is beside himself as he high-fives Doyeon. Minhyun feels a small surge of pity for Dongho as his best friend flushes bright red for the millionth time that night looking to him for help. Minhyun can’t blame him – Doyeon has a special talent for shutting people up.

Thankfully she has just a strong a talent at keeping the conversations flowing when the other party had no clue what they should be saying. “You know Dongho, when I look at you – you look like a complete gangster and then you open your mouth and I realize you work in the arts because you’re just such a fluffy piece of fluff.“

“Thank you, Kim Doyeon. I think that’s all I need to know about what you think of me.” Dongho tilts his third glass of whiskey. “Though for all future blind date set-ups - you can also add that I plan on also becoming as rich as my best friend one day.”

At that Minhyun feels himself shake his head, his fortune is hardly anything to be impressed by. At the end of the day, to him it means nothing compared to the people he has beside him right now. “He says this even though Dongho already makes more than me –“ 

“True – if we don’t count your massive inheritance.” Dongho snickers as Minhyun awkwardly shrugs to himself. “One day, Hwang Minhyun you’ll really become the emperor of our little city and then you’ll become out of reach, far away - even for us."

Minhyun’s eyes flicker upwards.

He isn't sure if it's the alcohol, the way Dongho is looking at him or the fact that these words are a little too close to his heart for his liking-

But as soon as he's heard them - Minhyun feels a wrecking ball hit the corner of his mind. His memories are spilling over the edge of his mind into his consciousness, intent on torturing him.

_“You’re far Minhyun – you’re always far. If you’re already so far – there’s no point.”_

_“Don’t you dare say shit like that. You’re the one who fucked up."_

As the words flutter away - sickeningly, Kim Jonghyun materializes in front of Minhyun’s eyes. His arms are wrapped around Dongho’s shoulders as Dongho snickers at something Doyeon says and gulps down another swig of whiskey.

Jonghyun is an obvious figment of his imagination – but one that makes sense.

After all, as his once-upon-a-time best friend Jonghyun should be there. He has full right to stand beside Dongho at this table and laugh with everyone else as they discuss Minhyun's future like it's just a big joke. 

It's apt really - Jonghyun had always thought that the way Minhyun had lived his life was funny.

His imagination turns and looks at him with a solemn expression before he bursts out laughing. Minhyun is not sure if this Kim Jonghyun is laughing at him or laughing with him.

Minhyun is only broken out of his reverie when he feels Doyeon’s arm clutch onto his tighter, grounding him back to reality. When he glances back up beside Dongho – the Jonghyun from his mind has disappeared.

Minhyun has to shake his head lightly and push his alcohol away from him. That’s more than enough for tonight.

“I wish I was just marrying him for his money but he also happens to be the nicest man on earth and dashingly handsome.” Minhyun feels sick to his stomach. He can blame Doyeon's words, praise did always leave him feeling queasy and exhausted. “He’s also a great listener. It’s a wonder one of you haven’t fallen in love with him yet.”

The air stills around all of them while Doyeon bursts out laughing at her own joke, so happily oblivious that she completely misses the look the three boys exchange.

Minhyun tries to hide it but he’s always been shit at hiding things from Dongho and Minki.

Dongho arches his heads downwards to catch his expression. Minhyun avoids his gaze but Dongho is insistent. When their eyes connect Minhyun knows – he knows that Dongho can read him like a book and it makes him turn away brusquely from the entire table. “I need to make a call.”

He has no calls to make. “I’ll come –“ Minki relays but Minhyun brushes him off barging out of the club faster than his feet could carry him.

It’s once the air hits and he’s outside alone that he feels even more lost because his imaginary Kim Jonghyun is back, leaning against the opposing wall.

Now that he's looking at him more closely, this Jonghyun hasn't aged a day from the last time Minhyun saw him.

Well in reality -  Minhyun is sure he has. The one in front of him however has frozen time at seventeen years old. He's in their stupid school uniform accompanied by the same malnourished frame, scraggly hair cut and the kindest eyes Minhyun has ever seen.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” Minhyun has gone crazy – he’s literally talking to thin air.

His Kim Jonghyun stands blankly in front of him, shrugging - but there is a smile on his face. 

Then he starts walking away from him. "What a fucking surprise that is." Minhyun feels the bitter words slip out of his mouth as he leans down on the ground shaking his head continuously - trying to flick out the last remnants of the strange night. 

He glances back at the alley where Jonghyun disappeared - even in his mind the guy won't turn back and look at him.

When he forces his head back into his hands - trying to quell whatever was unlocked he feels another memory slip into his world.

 

 

_“Everyone stand up please, say hello to our newest student!” The teacher booms loudly and Minhyun is forced to blearily wake up from his nap at the back of the classroom._

_He can’t help but feel irritated that right now, at this moment, he is forced to wake up because some kid has decided to move schools._

_“Hello,”_

_M_ _inhyun rubs his eyes as he yawns and feels Dongho poke him in his back, giggling beside him like a little fucking girl intent on making him say something and interrupt the new kid just for laughs._

_He whacks his friend over the head - eyes still shut._

_“_ _My name is Kim Jonghyun. I’m from Gangwon-do but I live in Seoul now- I am a scholarship student.”_

_That catches everyone’s attention._

_Scholarship students were a rarity at Hanlim – and advertising that status? That was just stupid. Minhyun cracks one eye open to weakly observe the foolish boy and finds himself frowning._

_Kim Jonghyun is searching the audience of his classmates like he’s looking for a friendly face. Someone that would return the weak smile he was presently offering his future classmates, no doubt giving him the assurance that this is an 8 th grade classroom like any other._

_Minhyun is sure where Kim Jonghyun comes from – things are like that. They’re probably great – but that is not what things are like here._

_Hanlim is a school for the sons and daughters of privileged members of society._

_Sure, once in a while they’d get someone like Kim Jonghyun but those people never stayed long. Usually it was the loneliness and passive aggressive stigmatization from the other students that always got to them._

_For instance, at this very moment all the other students have their heads turned down to the floor right now to avoid Jonghyun's eager gaze but despite this Jonghyun appears to have -_

_Oh shit. He’s caught him._

_Minhyun feels a ball build in his throat._

_He’s been looking too long._

_Obviously the guy would see him staring right at him._

_He can’t help but feel stupid and foolish as Jonghyun nods slowly at him._

_Minhyun doesn’t make a move to nod back but he does feel the corners of his mouth turn down slightly._

_Something inside of him is screaming to run in the opposite direction._


	3. Assimilate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow - I think I forgot how to write angst tbh - 
> 
> jkjk but also this is my hardest story to write and plot in my mind and it's still not entirely complete but I think I'm off to a better story than I was when I first thought of this.
> 
> note: Italics will be past - no italics will be present day

_\-------------------------------------------_

 

_Years from now, Minhyun is sure he’ll be able to look Minki in the face and blame him for this mess._

_Kim Jonghyun has been sitting with them for lunch all this week._

_It’s starting to get on his nerves._

_Jonghyun screams outsider from his haphazardly prepped hair to the way he rushes out of school every day without a prayer for extra curriculars or even over-bearing studying. He's a joke to their class._

_He’s someone the rest of the school has abandoned and Minhyun would be perfectly fine abandoning too – but Minki has a soft heart despite his biting exterior._

_And Minki never could  watch someone eat alone - and Dongho could never leave Minki alone._

_So - not only have they unofficially taken in Kim Jonghyun as a friend but Minhyun has had to learn that the poor boy with no real reason to be at their school is probably the most self-sacrificing person he has ever known._

_“THIS IS DELICIOUS!” Dongho has basically eaten all of Jonghyun’s pathetic lunch despite the fact that he had already finished one tray of their Chicken Tetrazzini with an extra helping of chicken because their chef had a bit of a soft spot for the ‘growing boy’. “Thanks for the kimbap Jonghyun-“_

_“Thank you.” Jonghyun's voice is soft and mellow but not uncaring. In fact, it appears to Minhyun that if the smattering of red rolling onto their alien's cheeks is anything to go by -  Kim Jonghyun is decidedly touched by the fact his new friend Kang Dongho is a pig._

_When Jonghyun looks up from his tray to catch Minhyun’s eyes, he gulps._

_Shit – he was caught looking again, wasn’t he?_

_He needs to look at things that he’s supposed to look at. Like his own food. Not at offensive human beings who are sitting too close to him. Jonghyun is smiling at him - that same smattering of red rolling down his neck as Minhyun clears his throat. “What are you going to eat if you give all your food to these idiots?”_

_Minki makes an offended sound and Minhyun's vaguely aware of Dongho smiling proudly but Jonghyun?_

_Jonghyun appears to have disregarded the meaning to his question. “Would you like to try some as well Hwang-ssi?”_

_His eyes pull upwards of their own accord as he takes in the soft expression on Jonghyun’s face, the boy is diligently pushing his lunchbox towards him and a ball forms in his throat, a strange chokehold coming over his larynx as he stares at the box._

_There's a meager three pieces of messily wrapped kimbap remaining in the plastic yellow container._

_Minhyun feels his lips curl inwards, his stomach twisting until he's sure he's bound to throw up._ _“No, that’s okay. Thank you.” There is a tone of politeness stressed in his voice but it doesn’t appear to glue to Kim Jonghyun._

_Instead, their new entry tries to unsuccessfully portray that he doesn’t care. The fork in his hand gets tighter as he shakily reaches for a roll and puts it into his own mouth._

_Minhyun looks down at his own Chicken Tetrazzini, pulling pasta into his mouth so that his lips have something to chew on and his eyes have something to look at that won’t appear so -_

_Ached._

_“Yah – Minhyun doesn’t eat anything. He's just a super picky bastard - gets it from his mom. She's super picky too. Doesn't like either of us.” Dongho smiles kindly at Jonghyun who nods along like he’s not really listening to their resident glutton as Minki giggles leaning on Dongho's shoulders._

_Minhyun feels his eyebrow twitch. There’s no need to explain this to a complete stranger. There’s also no need for them to familiarize themselves with someone who comes off as suspicious more than anything else. “We can’t all have tiger stomachs-“_

_“It really is good Minhyun – it wouldn’t kill you to try it –“ He glares at Minki who is just smiling down and chewing on kimbap himself. Foolishly, Minki tries to offer him a half-eaten piece much to the amusement of Dongho._

_Honestly, both of them know how he feels about other people’s saliva on his food –  “I said no. I don’t want to try that thing. It’s strange and it'll probably make me sick.” This time, his words come out with a bit more force  and while it wasn’t necessarily directed at Kim Jonghyun - the shorter boy stiffens anyways and glances downwards in shame._

_Minki is decidedly less affected. He has, after all, dealt with this for most of his life. “Whatever – suit yourself brat. You're missing out - Jonghyun - can your mom make this again for us?"  Dongho agrees excitedly as Minki and him do their best to make Jonghyun smile again._

_It works. "I actually made that - my mom - she doesn't really cook."_

_The choke in his throat grows larger and Minhyun drops his fork._

_He's really not that hungry anymore._

_The clattering sound attracts his friends' attention again as he wipes his mouth with his napkin._ _This is becoming the weirdest lunch he’s ever had and he has a feeling it’s because of their new guest. It’s making him fidgety and anxious. “I have a student council meeting – I’ll see you guys later.”_

_This time – both Dongho and Minki frown at him._

_Jonghyun is new so he doesn’t sense the meaning of his words but Dongho and Minki know that the student council doesn’t meet at lunch – they meet after school._

_Out of consideration for Jonghyun, they both keep their mouths shut and don’t call him out on his obvious lie._

_Minhyun bows his head goodbye in the only greeting he can manage and starts off towards the rooftop of their school. Every step dignified, every step communicating every last lesson built into his body of superiority._

_It's that fact that causes him to narrow his gaze at his hands._

_Jonghyun really shouldn’t bother him so much. That’s the reality. He is inferior._

_And yet –_

_There is something disarming about that small tight lipped smile that makes Minhyun want to proceed with a heavy dose of caution._

_Not that he’d entertain that thought – Jonghyun doesn’t belong in their universe._

_He’s long learned that lesson – that you don’t invite trouble where it doesn’t belong._

_It’s why his brother is no longer here._

_It’s why he is still here._

_It’s why he has to stay here._

_He's the only option left._

_When he opens the door to the roof, the wind caresses his hair - comforting like the hand of a mother he's never known. It's only when he's alone that he's ever actually comfortable anyways - it probably has something to do with the fact that he's too used to being this way - this is all he's known. This is all he ever wants to know._

_He sits down on the floor leaning his head against the border of the roof wall._

_This silence is the solace he was looking for. This is the silence that can calm his fingers, untangle the knot in his throat, and release the unease that's settled on his heart._

_Despite the logical part of his brain explaining his behaviour, the sky above lets the past few moments fly past his eyes, mostly in the shape of Jonghyun’s offensive kimbap._

_“Why are you such a dick?” He’s not speaking to anyone in particular._

_Even he can’t really answer that question._

_He’s probably going crazy too._

_How long is it till they ship him off to somewhere they don’t want to deal with either?_

 

 

“Minhyun – Minhyun!” The sharp sound of his mother’s voice jolts him out of his memories as he looks at his surroundings.

Right – they are having lunch with his mother today in the non-descript private room of an absurdly over priced, underwhelming traditional Korean restaurant. “My apologies, I haven’t been feeling well since last night.” He bows his head apologetically. Robotically.

He's used to apologizing to his mother.

From where she's sitting beside his mother, Doyeon looks concerned. She does however close her lips tightly and he nods his thanks. Doyeon knows better than to ask him anything in front of his mother. The Hwang family matriarch is always looking for an excuse to rip him apart. “You’re always scatter-brained after a night of drinking – you’re so unlike your father.”

Yes.

He is.

"Yes - and I should aspire to be like him but - " He always has been different and that’s always been a problem too. Both his parents know that he's already a disappointment, that he's their last hope - that he's not going to ever really be like his father. “I had a reason to celebrate.”

His short reply has his mother stumped and Doyeon grinning like a fool beside her as she winks at him. 

“Mom –“ He wants to laugh at Doyeon’s words. Almost, no one has ever called his mother ‘Mom’ and even his mother looks visibly disturbed at the endearment. “What did you think of us finalizing on the Golden Orchid? A lot of the guests coming will be coming from the Hwang side of the family and we want to make sure we’re accommodating them at a hotel that captures the image we want to portray. Especially since this won’t be a traditional Korean wedding and it’s going to be hosted in America -”

“It’s not bad – but do you have someone there to organize all of the rituals? We’ll need someone who can speak Korean. I don’t know why we can’t just do it in the Shilla or The Raum-“

“There’s no need.” Minhyun cuts back. If he doesn’t stop his mother now – Doyeon won’t get what she wants. At the very least, he wants to give Doyeon everything she’s ever dreamed of.

Doyeon should have the wedding of her dreams. She should have all the moments she might have gotten if she was marrying a slightly more normal man with a slightly more normal family. In fact, she should have even more than that because she is his happiness now.

Sure – when most people look at them, they assume Doyeon is the one who is getting the better end of their deal.

After all, what girl from her background in a family of hippies, at best mediocre education and overwhelmingly beautiful looks can hope to enter a family like theirs in modern day Korea? The Hwang family bleeds blue and purple, the definition of modern-day royalty in Korea.

But - what very few people know is that the Hwangs are controlling, manipulative and disturbingly kind.

That is their specialty. His father happens to be particularly skilled at the art of ruining people’s lives. Even their family wasn't spared if it was to further the agenda of the Hwang king - after all, the throne he sat on today was only achieved by manhandling his mother's brothers to gain control of their companies, strong holding shareholders to back him in the face of their challenges, exiling them to different countries- 

Idly, he wonders if their relatives actually like any of them enough to show up to his wedding. 

Then again, not coming when the Hwang emperor calls for you? That’s a death sentence of it’s own that he’s sure every member of the family would do their best to avoid.

"There's no need?" His cut-throat decline of his mother’s request has the older woman smirking at him, shaking her head lightly as she sips her watered down Early Grey tea.

To this day, he hates the smell of bergamot.

Thankfully, Doyeon appears to have a stronger tolerance towards bergamot than he does. “I think what Minhyun means is that it would be easier to host it at one of the big hotels but Minhyun and I want to make this an event. It’s something to be proud of. It’s your only son, mom.” He scoffs silently. His mother gives him a warning look but Doyeon doesn’t catch on.  “Our wedding will be a celebration of our love - but it will also be something that shows the world what the Hwang family stands for.”

His mother’s interest is piqued as she looks away from Minhyun to turn to face Doyeon completely. “And what does it mean to stand for the Hwang family?”

Minhyun feels his heart speed up as he looks at his fiancée from across the table. 

She’s remarkably beautiful and at his mother’s cold gaze she only turns up the charm she innately has built in every fibre of her being. Doyeon tucks one piece of chestnut hair behind her ear smiling at his mother in a way that that bewitches even the Hwang madam's cold heart. “We’re not like everyone else mom, we’re better.”

His smile falters. 

His Doyeon is remarkably good at words too.

Generally, his mother has never appreciated others involving themselves in family matters. Doyeon is not even part of their family and yet –

His mother appraises her like a woman who has received a priceless piece of art on a steal.

Minhyun laughs.

Doyeon laughs too.

His mother laughs last, like she always does.

It’s a bitter feeling that settles on his chest – this is the best outcome. It’s the outcome that ensures peace and a fairly eventless process of a wedding.

The reason he loves Doyeon is because she is free-spirited, bright, funny – and everything the Hwang family is not.

The reason his mother loves Doyeon is because she is everything Minhyun wants but Doyeon has also promised her today that she will be everything his mother wants as well.

The unease builds from his chest towards his stomach as they make their way towards the car. He can only be thankful that for now, they don't need to see his mother for the foreseeable future. “Is everything okay?” He feels Doyeon’s arm worm through his elbow when they make their way to the car.

He stops for a millisecond before he smiles down at her, nodding. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You – were out of it. For a second - back there -  I mean.” He watches her throat bob up and down. It’s the tell-tale sign that Doyeon’s been thinking too much and now she’s nervous about something.

How does he even begin to tell her what she’s promised? How does he begin to warn her when this is exactly the bullshit that he's hoping Doyeon will want to sign up for?

He can't tell her.

So instead he swoops down and captures her lips in his, presses her up against the car, the feeling of her speeding heartbeats against his chest making his mouth insistent against hers.

Doyeon gasps like she wants space to breathe but he refuses. His mouth choking her whimpers, weak and pliant as he grips her frame. His hands tighten on her waist like a stubborn child insistent on proving a point but the point is lost in his desperation to hold onto her.

Eventually she manages to part from him, her cheeks flushed, her eyes lightened and he lets out a breath.

Like this – she’s the Doyeon he loves. Sufficiently messy, gaze lit from the fire he’s ignited within, and as always undeniably attractive. Dongho is right - he is lucky he has her.

“Minhyun -  we’re outside.” Her voice straddles that line between embarrassed and teased.

“We don’t have to be.” He leans his head against her forehead as he bends down to kiss her again. Softer this time. Gentler. The way he normally does.

He only hopes she can hear him even if he can't tell her.

Doyeon-ah, please don’t become cold.

Please don’t become her.

Please don’t become one of us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO - please note - Collide is a companion piece to Walking Through Windows so while I'll do my best to explain everything both ways - they're technically both made to read together :) 
> 
> (Eventually there'll be more companion pieces - one on Seonho, one on Jinyoung (maybe), one on Chungha, one on Minki&Dongho&Aron and one on Doyeon BUT those haha lol let me just get through Seongwoo and Minhyun first and Last Impressions and The Internship from Hell - lmfao what have I signed up for - )
> 
> Also as a final note :) WOFFA is up :) the lovely aridnie has organized the Wanna One Fanfiction Awards at https://wannaonefanfictionawards.tumblr.com!! There's a list of all the noms and they're all amazing as I'm working through reading them (and I swear guys I'm not totally biased though LI is nominated - YAYYYYY thank you for whoever did that/read that/is reading this <3)
> 
> *blows kisses* till the next time Minhyun takes over my mind <3


	4. Choke

_The teacher looks around at them, his eyes finally landing on Minhyun._

_For the past ten minutes, he’s watched diligently as one by one, his classmates are paired off to each other until he’s left with no other person to stand beside other than – “Minhyun and Jonghyun.”_

_Minhyun hears the words he’s been dreading._

_It’s been two years now since the stray that is Kim Jonghyun wandered into their lives here at Hanlim but Jonghyun has made it very clear that he’s someone who is here to stay._

_Snide remarks and badly disguised attempts at physically bullying him have even ceased at this point. His existence is one that is simply understood._

_Jonghyun still eats lunch with his friends. Of course, he should! Minki and Dongho are his friends truly – but Minhyun –_

_Sure – they see each other every day and he’s been forced to on occasion actually participate in conversation with him over the years but – they’re not close._

_By all measures, Minhyun should be much much more mature about this assignment._

_After all, he is fifteen now._

_Still, what Minhyun wants to say is no._

_What Minhyun wants to say is that his parents donate to this stupid high school and he should be able to partner with whoever he wants._

_What he ends up saying, rather weakly, is not quite everything he feels. “Jonghyun, did you want to meet at my house?”_

_“Sure. Instead of meeting this week, can we meet over the weekend?” Minhyun flinches at the tone of softness that’s innately present whenever the other boy opens his mouth. Sensing his disturbance, and attributing it to his words instead of the sound of his voice, Jonghyun tries to quickly correct himself. “I mean – if it’s better later today – it’s-“_

_“No it’s fine – you’re busy after school normally, right?” He’s asking like there’s a chance that Jonghyun is not busy when it’s almost public knowledge that as soon as the last class is over their scholarship student will be running out of the door like he has wings on the back of his scuffed white sneakers._

_Instead of answering him, Jonghyun looks down at his lap._

_Minhyun’s gaze narrows as he peers at him yet again._

_The years may have passed but Kim Jonghyun relentless as he may be to remain in their world – has revealed nothing about his._

_No one really knows where he goes, what he does, why he does it._

_No one really cares either which seems to suit Jonghyun just fine._

_And at least until this moment – Minhyun had been sure he didn’t care either._

_Yet now, when it comes down to their success in a class, Minhyun finds the idea that Kim Jonghyun is closed off to him irksome. Clearly, this is a smart decision on Jonghyun’s part given that Minhyun has done everything humanly possible without being downright rude to let him know that Jonghyun’s not someone whose presence he appreciates. “That’s fine. This weekend is okay. Get my information from Dongho and Minki.”_

_When he gets up from his desk to move, he catches Jonghyun’s eyes. “Where are you going?”_

_“The class representatives have to meet with the principal later. I need to prepare for that.” It’s his excuse for everything. It works remarkably well when he needs space._

_What he doesn’t expect to see is a knowing smile land on Jonghyun’s face. The boy grins up at him from his half hair-covered face in a manner so irritating it sends his stomach lurching down to his toes._

_“Do well.” Jonghyun’s words carry a weight of teasing on them and the smile on his face has built up to look like he’s mocking Minhyun._

_The knowledge that Kim Jonghyun knows that all Hwang Minhyun does is lie – even to himself – is more than a little disconcerting. It leaves him standing before the shorter boy like he’s the one at a disadvantage. “I will.” He affirms, watching as Jonghyun’s eyebrows knit together with the faintest of nods._

_He should leave and yet he wants to see what Jonghyun will do._

_Like a specimen under a microscope of pressure – Minhyun’s pressure – he wants to see how Jonghyun reacts to his stoic presence by his side._

_He gets his answer a few seconds into their tense exchange. “The exit is that way.” Jonghyun lets out a soft laugh and points towards the door._

_Minhyun doesn’t think there’s anything particularly funny about this. He moves the slightest bit closer, bowing his head. Jonghyun leans his torso back in his chair, bowing his head and with that dismissal Minhyun turns on his heels._

_His feet shuffle towards the staff meeting room, bag swung over his shoulders, as his mind attempts to rationalize what just happened._

_Kim Jonghyun is resilient, a mask of a child built on the type of toil and hard work that came only from pain and suffering. There is no way to hurt him enough, put him through enough to get him to alter the route he’s decided on._

_In his own small way, Minhyun can respect that but it doesn’t change anything._

_Dongho and Minki tried at first to resolve the gap between their richest and poorest._

_He still remembers the way Dongho looked at him as they separated for the summer break at the end of their last year. Minhyun’s been kind he thinks. He’s let Kim Jonghyun sit with them all year, he’s even unwillingly participated in conversation with him – what more can his friends ask for him? “He’s not stupid Minhyun. He knows you don’t like him.”_

_“Then why is he still around?” Minhyun had remarked snidely._

_Dongho shook his head lightly. “One day, you’ll realize you don’t need to be like this.”_

_Minyun hadn’t responded to Dongho._

_He probably still wouldn’t, even today._

_After all, an answer like ‘I already hate myself’ would probably shock his friends far too much._

_They’re just not ready for that sort of truth._

_He hates that he spends his nights studying into the night when he’d rather burrow himself into a hole of comforters surrounded by only literature._

_He hates that he wakes up early on the weekends to accompany his mother to a country club that leaves him staunchly bored when he’d rather be spending his hours whiling away at a piano._

_He hates that his mother has already started pushing him to meet with the sons and daughters of people she approves of while he’s not allowed to spend any of his free time with the people he actually cares for._

_So not befriending Kim Jonghyun?_

_That’s something he can easily add to the list – even if he lets himself entertain the idea of becoming friends with the boy –_

_It’s futile._

_It doesn’t matter._

_Jonghyun has his place in the world._

_Minhyun has his._

 

 

 

“I think the fit of these suits is perfect – all of you look excellent, if I do say so myself.”

“Yah – Lee-ssi, don’t you think you’re just complimenting yourself now?” Daniel points out laughing so contagiously that the sound burrows its head in Minhyun’s heart.

Daniel’s not wrong. Their family tailor has always been a little more on the arrogant side - but over the years he’d become almost like a family heirloom himself.

He’d made custom suits for Minhyun’s grandfather’s father and every son that followed in his stead.

Years later, Minhyun stands here in a perfectly fitted suit made from the finest of Italian fabrics, his sleeves anchored with cufflinks designed in diamonds and gold in the shape of a crown. “You look just like your grandfather did Minhyun.”

“I suppose that’s a good thing-“

“You’ve taken on your mother’s appearance.” The old tailor agreed, placing his hands on Minhyun’s shoulders.

Minhyun flinches.

From beside him, Minki snickers at the uncomfortable expression on his face. “I don’t think he likes hearing that he has too much in common with her, Lee-ssi.”

Minhyun’s discomfort is only heightened when he sees the way the much older man looks at him through his horn-rimmed glasses. “Sometimes when the path in front of you is twisted and turned – you end up becoming that way too through no fault of your own.” He takes a bow and claps his hands in front of him. “I will be right back – I do want to check the length of Dongho-ssi’s trousers just one last time –“

Dongho glances around sadly, huffing as the older man makes his way towards the backroom and well out of earshot. “This is too much. Guys - this is the fourth time he’s measuring my legs and I swear if he does it one more time – I’m suing for sexual harassment.”

“Maybe he’s into you-“ Minki remarks too factually. Minhyun and Daniel break into snickers at the distraught expression on poor Dongho’s face. “My personal opinion? You should think about it – the older you get, the smaller the dating pool gets – and for you it’s particularly small.”

“So apparently – the Hwang family senior citizen tailor is my only option?”

“Well there’s Seongwoo –“ Minhyun teases him as Dongho groans.

“I’m done with you guys setting me up. You’re absolute failures. I trust none of my friends – besides if Seongwoo’s so great why don’t you go date him Minki?”

“If he was interested in me, I would!” Minki’s statement has both Dongho and Minhyun looking at him surprised and in shock. “Relax! Relax! I just mean he’s really good looking, talented, funny – sure sometimes he tries a little too hard but it’s kind of what makes him all the more endearing? I’ve never met someone who’s as beautiful and hard working as Ong Seongwoo.”

“This whole time – Doyeon and I have been trying to set up Seongwoo with the wrong guy.” Minhyun rolls a hand over Minki’s shoulders.

The other man quickly puts his hands up in protest. “Uh – I don’t need help dating people – I have a great love life. I don’t live under a rock like Dongho – please just work on him instead.”

It’s true – Dongho never really goes out unless it’s with them. Dating would be something that wouldn’t even occur to the other man if his friends weren’t on his back about it all the time.

“Seongwoo?” Daniel blinks at them. “Who’s that?”

Minhyun’s eyes run to Daniel.

His ‘barely-a-nephew-more-of-a-cousin’ peers at them innocently but Minhyun catches an inflection of interest in his normally buoyant gaze that he doesn’t often see.

Daniel is a man of many talents, many faces, and many sorrows.

Minhyun blames himself for the last one.

Actually, he blames himself for a lot of things – even if no one else does. “Ah Daniel – Seongwoo is Doyeon’s cousin. You’ll be walking down the aisle with him, actually.”

Daniel nods along understandingly, fingers playing with the lapels of his navy suit. “How expensive are these, hyung? I swear I’ll pay you back.”

“You don’t need to pay me back.” Minhyun comes over to ruffle his hair. “I’m just happy you’re coming to the wedding and you’re willing to be in the wedding party.” Daniel’s smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes as he nods his head towards the mirror. “Your mom will be happy too, I’m sure –“

“I don’t think that’ll be the case hyung, but there’s only so long we can avoid family right?” Through the mirror, Daniel’s eyes spark with an odd sort of understanding and when he looks straight at Minhyun, Minhyun feels his blood run cold.

There’s something set in Daniel’s face that looks so recognizable that it makes his heart lurch uncomfortably in his chest.

As if on call, when he looks to Daniel’s other side a smaller figure materializes – but unlike his groomsmen, Kim Jonghyun is wearing the same clothes that Minhyun is.

That doesn’t make sense of course – Jonghyun is poor. Or he was. Minhyun’s not really sure what it is Jonghyun is anymore because he’d rather not think about him, or look for him but –

Here he is.

Finding his way back to Minhyun’s consciousness in a personified form that makes him feel like he’s going crazy.

Jonghyun smiles at him, the corners of his eyes turning upwards to hide behind the mop of hair he never liked to cut any other way. He saunters his way towards Minhyun and stands right in front of him.

Realistically, Minhyun should check to see if anyone else around him has realized that he’s lost his senses here –

Yet, Hwang Minhyun cannot hope to look away from Kim Jonghyun, even if he’s only a sick apparition version of the man Minhyun actually keeps carefully locked away in the depths of his subconscious.

“Hey, do you think we should burst the old man’s bubble and just say we’re going with someone else?” Dongho’s voice is loud, disturbing and the Jonghyun in front of him saunters over to where his gruff friend is stiffly pulling at the collar he’s not used to around his neck.

Minki whacks Dongho over the head as he comes over to adjust the collar for him. “Please - I’m not used to this treatment. Being a teacher is hell, I can’t afford shit like this anymore and Lee-ssi is free.”

“Dude, you okay?” Dongho turns to look at Minhyun who stares blankly at his side as Jonghyun giggles at him. What must he look like? Does he look delirious? Happy? Stupid? Sad? It’s like in this world he’s lost all control of the muscles in his face. “Also - the fact you’re buying us all suits for this event seems incredibly extra – but I appreciate it.”

“Yeah, thanks hyung.” When he turns around to look at Daniel for a split second and turn back – he’s almost relieved that Jonghyun has disappeared. Almost. “It’s funny to think how far you guys have come now. You actually look half-way handsome – that must have taken a lot of effort.”

“Hey – kid – “ Minki huffs. “Speak for them okay? I’ve always looked fucking amazing.”

As time and space return to their normal frequencies, Minhyun feels his rapidly beating heart slow, the sweat forming on the back of his neck dissipating with a chilling cool that runs down his back.  “You teach your kids with that mouth, Minki?”

Minki pouts, whining as he jumps up and down on his tippy toes making Dongho laugh from beside him. “That’s the problem! When you don’t curse for like 8 hours a day it all rushes out of you at the end like fuckity-fuck-fuck. Like right now, if I was really letting it all out– I’d be like – Daniel you little fuckhead, come here and let me whoop your skinny little ass.”

While Minhyun and Dongho look a little traumatized, their little puppy laughs along encouragingly.

Honestly, Daniel will laugh at anything though. “I know you guys think you’re a lot older than me but I feel the need to remind you that I’m only like a year younger than you guys –“

“Correction – you’re almost two younger than me.” Dongho adds throwing him a finger heart. Daniel saunters in air with all the grace of a dancer to run towards Dongho and pull the heart to his chest. “Yah – no wonder you’re doing so well in the modeling game now. Charming the pants off anyone you see with that smiley face of yours.” Dongho pulls Daniel’s head under his armpit, twisting his knuckles into Daniel’s temple. “Get pink hair again so I can make fun of what a little weirdo you look like! I can’t handle this cooler version of you.”

“No thank you- I am a sexy model now. Sexy models look sexy for a living.” Minhyun snorts as Daniel turns to look at him offended. “Hyung! I look sexy I swear! It’s not just me who says so! People on the internet think so too!”

“Sure, Daniel, sure.” Dongho bursts out laughing and lets him go as Daniel quickly browses through his phone. “What are you doing now?”

Minhyun pats his nephew comfortingly on the head.

He really shouldn’t be treating Daniel like this – Daniel’s not wrong, their age gap doesn’t give him permission to actually baby him.

And yet Daniel is the type of person that everyone in their family babies.

Which is why it was so shocking for all of them when a little over two years ago Daniel had ripped himself away from the family.

“Looking for that- ah ha! Look –“ Dongho, Minhyun and Minki crowd around Daniel’s phone.

Minhyun freezes.

It’s them.

“Wah- you guys were so cute - wouldn’t it be nice if Jonghyun hyung was here too?” Daniel looks visibly proud of what he’s managed to find on his phone.

It’s a picture of what they look like complete.

He’s sure he’s run completely pale now as Dongho and Minki turn to look at him with identical expressions of worry.

Minhyun blinks at the picture dumbly, his voice losing all coherence as he stares at the way his face is hidden in Jonghyun’s neck.

A bad habit that had been too easy to fall into and too hard to forget the feeling of.

The physical presence of Jonghyun’s breath materializes in the form of moisture filled gasps mixing with his.

He feels his lips grow dry as phantom hands wrap themselves over his neck from behind him, accompanied by the sensation of a smaller frame pressed firmly against his.

He doesn’t have to turn around to know whose hands they are.


	5. King

 

 _“You’re here?” Minhyun is already half tempted to send the awkward boy in his family’s large welcoming hall away._ _The project is easy. He could do it in his sleep._ _Still - the rude words stop on his lips like a challenge he’s given himself._

_Would it be so horrible of him to enjoy this strange moment?_

_To watch as the Jonghyun before him marvels at everything that surrounds them, from his family’s feathered marble floor to the gold accented staircase that leads to the upper wing?_

_After all, this is the architecture that’s been built around Minhyun to safeguard him, the most prized of cages._

_It’s a gentle reminder of why they can’t be friends and perhaps if_ _Jonghyun  can see this, maybe he’ll understand a little better. Maybe he’ll hate Minhyun a little less for being who he is._

_Minhyun certainly hates Jonghyun a little less as he watches his awestruck face._

_“You have a butler?” Jonghyun’s squeaking as their butler named Gu gives him an irritated look but moves on his way towards his father's study._

_They also have three valets, an array of maids, a housekeeper, a groundsman whose family lives on the estate and a collection of tutors and teachers who drop by to mold Minhyun into the man he should be._

_He would say as much but it looks like the smaller boy is going to collapse at the sight of his butler and he'd rather not have to deal with an actually unconscious Kim Jonghyun. His fellow student's introduction to the rest of the house staff would simply have to be summarized into something that Jonghyun can understand._ _"I’m rich."_

_“I knew that.” Minhyun looks at him with that sort of irked expression that forces the other boy to gesture wildly around them. “It’s kind of obvious but - I guess I just never thought about how rich you might be. I mean my legs hurt just from getting past your front lawn, second lawn, third lawn -"_

_"Well, maybe we’ll go over to your house next time so I can get to see how ‘poor’ you are.” It’s more of an insult than a joke but Jonghyun laughs anyways - leaving Minhyun feeling like he’s been dealt an attack that he's not quite sure how to combat.“Why are you laughing?”_

_“Honestly?” His eyes draw towards Jonghyun's hands as they cover whispering lips. “I don’t think someone like you can handle where someone like me comes from.”_

_His eyes widen as he steps backwards, all too aware of  an uncomfortable hammering at the back of his eardrums. “No?”_

_He’s not quite close._

_But he’s not quite far either._

_It’s an undefinable distance they have between them._

_Somewhere between the awkwardness of an acquaintanceship and a stressed friendship._

_Jonghyun is something different in his world. He’s something Minhyun’s never had a chance to cross-examine and the need to delve further is almost automatic despite the itch in his mind that reminds him that people like him couldn’t and shouldn’t lean too close to – well – anyone._

_Distance is what keeps him sane._

_Distance is what ruined his older brother._

_“No. You couldn’t handle it. It’d scar you.” Jonghyun’s eyes are still friendly, but they have that sort of look in them that denotes 'Oh - you poor person -'_

_And that's when he realizes -_

_It's not just Minhyun who looks down on Jonghyun. Jonghyun looks down on Minhyun too because yes - he may not be rich in won, jewels, and status but Jonghyun is rich in ways that Minhyun cannot even fathom._

_"I can handle it.” In all honesty, Jonghyun is probably right - he probably can't handle it because he hasn't been brought up to stomach the reality that has molded Jonghyun into the person he is.  It's pure teenage impetuousness that has him holding his ground._

_“Please, you can’t even handle what I look like on most days.” His lips twist downwards but he keeps them glued shut - all too disturbed by how this expression of his has left the poorer boy laughing at him again.“Now, are you going to show me where we do this thing?”_

_Minhyun pushes himself back to his safe gap and pulls his hands towards the hallway they’ll go to._

_He does his best to stay three steps ahead of Jonghyun who is becoming more unpredictable than he’d bargained for._

_He tells himself that it’s a better position – one that makes sense. He shouldn’t be walking beside him like they’re friends anyways because despite the situation that Dongho and Minki have roped him into – he refuses to acknowledge him._

_In Minhyun’s world – where they’re segregated and separated by ranks, class systems, birth, wealth and pretty much every value Minhyun has been told is important to measure - they are two people whose existences have intersected accidentally._

_Yet, the lessons in his frame fail him as he sees Jonghyun's shorter disadvantaged legs lunge forward with a remarkable speed._

_Jonghyun should be walking in careful steps around him – but the other boy’s strides are longer than his own, wider and even more loud._ _Jonghyun walks with perseverance as his companion, like there’ll be a day when the sound of thunderous applause is what erupts from his every move in the world._

_He walks like the king Minhyun should be._

_There’s a contagious energy to Jonghyun’s steps that causes him to jump ahead and guide Minhyun around his own house even if he has absolutely no clue where he's going because somehow even in this strange world of Minhyun's - Jonghyun knows where he's going._

_It should disturb him._

_Instead, he finds himself relieved._

_Jonghyun decides what table they sit at._

_Jonghyun decides how they split up the work._

_Jonghyun’s even decided what they’re going to eat while working because he’s brought along what can only be described as cheap candy and chips that will most likely give Minhyun a stomachache. “I would have brought kimbap but you don’t like it right?”_

_Minhyun’s eyes flicker upwards as he pulls a gummy worm into his mouth, the solidified juice melting on his tongue as he nods lightly towards him. “Maybe someday.”_

_Jonghyun laughs again and despite it feeling like an assault that he's not quite sure how to respond to  - he lets himself smile just the slightest. “Maybe someday you’ll like kimbap?”_

_“Maybe someday I’ll be allowed to.” Minhyun mumbles back, eyes pressed to the book until he realizes that the other boy is not responding to him._

_When he looks up to see Kim Jonghyun's lips have sombered into a pressed tight line, he coughs uncomfortably. Despite this silent gesture of discomfort, Jonghyun continues to look at him._

_So Minhyun turns his head to the ground, avoiding Jonghyun's eyes because he's sure he hasn't said anything that ridiculous but the way his insides are turning and twisting he feels like he's slipped out all his carefully guarded secrets._ _“Next weekend, when we meet again - I'll make you some.”_

_He looks up to see Jonghyun smile at him._

_Minhyun knows he’s supposed to smile back but all he can do is use his pencil to scribble away on his papers._

_For the first time in his life – Hwang Minhyun has let someone else lead him._

 

 

 

He's in the passenger seat of Dongho's car after dropping Daniel and Minki off home and he regrets not bringing his own car. The atmosphere between them is so uncomfortable it may as well choke the two of them so that they don't have to address the issue Minhyun knows Dongho is eventually going to bring up.“You know – you’re the one who asked her to marry you. She’s been remarkably patient with you. I mean god - how long did you guys date?”

Minhyun hates how Dongho never ever works his way up to anything. Dongho has always been brutish, overly logical – and a major a pain in Minhyun’s ass.

Above all else though, Dongho has his back, even when Minhyun doesn’t deserve to have his support. “I did. Smart choice right?”

"Doyeon is extraordinarily beautiful.” From any other man, such a statement would incite jealousy in Minhyun. From Kang Dongho though? He knew better.

Dongho’s using Doyeon’s beauty as a means of objectifying her so that he can confirm whether Minhyun’s doing the exact same thing. “She is.”

“What was it your mother always said? You need someone who looks like she can stand beside you forever. Doyeon just happens to fit that bill perfectly doesn’t she?”  

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Minhyun knows exactly what Dongho means.

Dongho decides to say all he needs to so that Minhyun can no longer ignore what they’re dancing around anyways. “She’s not just that. Doyeon is beautiful, skilled, intelligent, funny, ambitious - and she makes you happy, right? I mean, if you can’t stand beside that publicly then what the hell can you stand beside?”

Minhyun grits his teeth now.

He doesn’t need a reminder that Doyeon checks off all the boxes.

He knows that. He knows she’s perfect already. He knows that he’s the problem here. He's been the problem most of his life - Dongho doesn't need to remind him of that. “Is there a particular reason you’re telling me the excellent qualities of my future wife?”

“ I know it’s different for you. You have a lot more riding on this than normal people would – but just – make sure you know what you’re doing okay? Doyeon is great but if you're not ready for this - then she doesn’t deserve to get hurt.” Dongho runs his hands through his hair. “For god’s sake – the way you reacted back there it’s like you still think about  _him_  -”

Minhyun keeps his lips glued shut.

With that sort of statement in the air now, how is he supposed to tell Dongho that he does still think about Jonghyun?

Jonghyun – is Jonghyun.

He can’t just switch him off.

Sure, Jonghyun isn’t here.

He hasn’t been here in years but that doesn’t mean he’s ever really left because Minhyun wasn’t the one who made that decision to let go.

So here is Minhyun in Jonghyun’s place.

Thinking about a man who probably doesn’t give a flying fuck about him.

“Minhyun?”

“Yeah?” He finally responds shaking his head.

“You have six months.” Dongho looks at him pointedly. “Figure your shit out before you hurt-“

“Doyeon, I know – I know.”

“Hwang Minhyun?”

“Yes-“

“Can a man finish his sentence please?”

He’s not in the mood for a speech from Dongho but he lets his best friend get carried away anyways. “Apologies, Kang Dongho – please continue to unnecessarily lecture me on the excellent qualities of my future wife and how I’m the worst man on earth-“

“I was going to say figure your shit out before you hurt yourself again.” Dongho stops in front of Minhyun’s condo building. “I don’t want to have to worry that you’re putting on a front again. It was hard enough to get you to break it the first time.”

He leaves as soon as possible. There’s no real way he can answer Dongho’s words.

Even if he's out of the car now, it's like he can hear the disappointment in the sigh leaving Dongho's chest as he starts his car up again to drive away.

When Minhyun turns back to the entrance of his building, his heart catches in his throat.

By now you’d think he’d come to expect that Kim Jonghyun would be everywhere and anywhere he is but regardless every time he sees him he freezes.

Because for a second, every time, he believes this could be the real Jonghyun.

But of course, it’s not. Why would it be?

The real Jonghyun is out there living his life. The imaginary one is here - stopping Minhyun from living his.

His imaginary Jonghyun is sitting on steps this time, shoulders hunched over, face shoved between his knees and - 

Minhyun freezes.

The sound of Jonghyun’s tears reach his ears, this is a reminder that's a little too raw - even ten years later.

What sweet new torture had his brain devised now? “Why are you doing this?” The words fight to leave his lips as Minhyun covers his face in his hands to keep himself from crumbling to his feet like Jonghyun. “Why are you doing this to me?”

Jonghyun cries harder, face lifting from his lap. His eyes are glassy and his cheeks streaked with tears. Minhyun’s heart wrenches uncomfortably in his chest but he tries his best to laugh because in this situation - it feels like his entire existence is a joke. “Is this how I finally go crazy?”

Jonghyun doesn’t respond to him. He does stop crying though.

Now that he’s looking at him closer, he can see the differences between the Jonghyun his mind has created and the one out there – somewhere - wandering the planet.

The real Jonghyun would come up to him, envelop him in his arms and assure him that his life is his own, that he has some semblance of control on it.

The real Jonghyun would flutter words of affection against the skin on his cheekbones, the real Jonghyun would run his fingers through Minhyun’s hair and remind him of how precious he is to someone. The real Jonghyun would let his hands wander down Minhyun’s arms until their fingers found each other and he’d hold onto them like he’d never let go.

The real Jonghyun would lie because he cared.

This Jonghyun in front of him has no reason to do the same. He’s made from the bitterness that’s stewed in Minhyun’s mind over the years. His rigid form, stern set mouth and angry gaze are the very manifestation of everything Minhyun hates about himself, his life, and what he’s let slip through his fingers.

So Jonghyun says nothing.

He stands in front of him, coming closer and closer – his lips are a hair’s breath away from Minhyun’s own until they touch.

What should be a kiss is instead a knock to the chest –  something that reels him backwards on himself until he falls over thin air and crumbles to his knees.

He doesn’t bother looking up from the ground.

Jonghyun’s disappeared and he marvels as he looks at the wet stained gravel beneath him-

He's not sure how much longer he can pretend he's okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so committed to the thought of Destination as a series - I low key dipped winter and just went to Maui for a week.
> 
> #commitmentbros - commitment
> 
> JKJK but also sorry this was so late - T.T


	6. Drip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uploaded bc god minhyun looked godly in his beautiful godliness in the Boomerang MV and deserves all that McLovin (it's past midnight - we have rules now on the type of jokes i make after midnight - ~~they are all bad~~ )

_He has been standing outside Kim Jonghyun’s house for the past forty minutes._

_He’s been late for twenty of them._

_It would be the easiest thing in the world to use his closed fists and bang on Kim Jonghyun’s door, demanding to be let inside._

_It wouldn’t be the easiest thing in the world to imagine what he would say to Kim Jonghyun after that._

_Jonghyun lives in a cubicle village near Yongsan. It had only been a seven minute ride from his house to this place._

_Not quite far._

_Not quite close._

_His driver had been scared to drop him off – like he’d been sending Minhyun off to a kidnapping. So Minhyun had been strong, strictly enforced that he didn’t need some weak forty year old man to come along with him to some poor kid’s house for a school project._

_Now that he’s alone – he’s forced to admit - maybe he isn’t ready for this._

_The area surrounding him is filled to the brim with steaming hot piles of what he can only kindly assume is trash but may in fact be dead bodies if the stench is anything to go by._

_Jonghyun’s house is no better._

_The little can is made of grey cement with darker patches of wall that appear to be wet with sweat. It’s as if the building was challenging itself to look more depressing than it already does. All through cracks resonate in the frame of the makeshift house with sorry excuses for windows and doors and pipes and vents and wires. Everything seems to be pouring out of the structure with no clear direction and the chaos itself is enough to have hi –_

_Suddenly, the front door opens._

_“You’re here?”_

_Minhyun cannot respond._

_This is why he hadn’t knocked._

_The Kim Jonghyun before him is drenched wet – the very personification of a storm and tornado that has shifted the view that Minhyun’s eyes normally have for Saturday mornings._

_“You said we should meet at your house –“ His voice carries off at the end, catching sight of what’s behind Kim Jonghyun’s back which is a collective mess of clothing in a nondescript pile. The more he looks, the worse things get. There’s buckets of water behind him, the sound of a guttural humming from an old fridge that is probably at best half functional and a painful dripping that sounds like it would drive someone over the edge of sanity._

_If Jonghyun notices his disturbance, he chooses to ignore it. “I know. We can’t work yet though. The pipes in the kitchen are leaking. Happens once in a while – so I know how to fix it but it’s easier with help.  Come on.” Jonghyun turns back, plastic pink slippers haphazardly thrown on as he enters the shadowed cave he calls home._

_Jonghyun has just asked for help. His help. But Minhyun cannot give it._

_He just cannot casually enter this person’s home like it isn’t bound to – “Minhyun?” Jonghyun is laughing at him, ten people away and Minhyun gulps back the knot in his throat._

_Jonghyun doesn’t understand. How can he?_

_It’s easy for Jonghyun to reach upwards for his hand. He’ll rise._

_It’s harder for Minhyun to reach down. He’ll fall._

_“Minhyun?” Jonghyun’s voice is soft, almost caring, as he comes back to him. “Are you okay?” He should be able to say something. Answer him with some semblance of dignity but the words die on his lips as he’s forced to look beyond Jonghyun’s hoodie to his torn blue sweatpants and taped slippers._

_Isn’t this too much?_

_Isn’t Jonghyun just a caricature of these ‘circumstances’?_

_Surely – poverty cannot be this bad. Surely – poverty cannot be this hard to swallow._

_Kim Jonghyun should be offended – but instead he looks proud. “I told you – “ He leans up, hand over his lips like he’s whispering a grand secret into Minhyun’s bright red ears. “You can’t handle it.” Minhyun turns his head downwards, lips twisted into his mouth as he shuts his eyes tightly. He hates admitting failure. He hates the idea that he cannot move inside of his own free will like some sort of ridiculous imitation of the person he’s trying to be. He hates that Jonghyun is right and most importantly - he hates that he is this person. “Open your eyes. What are you so scared of Hwang Minhyun?”_

_“Falling.” Jonghyun muffles his snickers and Minhyun’s eyes turn upwards. Jonghyun’s always laughing around him and he wonders idly if he’s funny – no one else ever really laughs at him or with him – or really around him ever._

_Dongho doesn’t count. Dongho laughs at everything._

_Like this though? Jonghyun is electric when his lips are rolled in between his teeth, bit with power till he’s left slicking his skin with a sheen of moisture that strikes Minhyun deep in the recesses of his mind._

_He looks back down._

_Jonghyun has other ideas._

_His body convulses in continuous laughter, shifting downwards until his face is directly angled to be right below Minhyun’s ashamed expression._ _“Do you want me to help you help me then ?”_

_He doesn’t blink. He doesn’t move._

_Even if he wants help. He cannot ask or accept. That’s just not built into the wiring he’s been constructed on._

_Jonghyun’s hands reach languidly for his. “Still scared?”_

_Minhyun shakes his head but keeps his face turned down anyways._

_Jonghyun tightens his hold. “How about now?”_

_Minhyun shakes his head and holds on tighter._

_When he hears Jonghyun take a deep breath, Minhyun knows that he’s going to be asked if he’s still scared so he looks up quickly and shakes his head again. “I’m not scared.”_

_“I know.” Jonghyun iterates slowly, their hands rising between the two of them. “I was going to ask  you to loosen your grip – my knuckles are turning white.”_

_By all measures – he should loosen his grip but Minhyun steps closer to their joined fist. “Mine are too.” His eyes drift to Jonghyun’s face – a pensive, understanding look marring his features as his gaze slides from their hands to Minhyun’s almost pleading expression._

_Jonghyun doesn’t look away and so Minhyun doesn’t either. “You’re going to help me with the pipe – then we’ll study.”_

_The grip on his hand relaxes and almost automatically Minhyun’s hands follow Jonghyun’s ever easy guidance. “I don’t know how to fix pipes.”_

_“So – this will be interesting.” He’s expecting to have his hand released but Jonghyun uses it instead as a latch to pull him deeper through the abyss that is his life._

_Things are worse inside._

_At least outside the bright light of the sun gave everything a clarity that was unapologetic._

_Here, everything is hidden in shrewd shadows, meant to keep the house cool in its own sweltering heat._

_There are no doors – only open gaping doorways that scream disorganized and it makes him question how Jonghyun has the effort in him to study in a place like this let alone become smart enough to be a scholarship student._

_Through some weaving path or another, they find their way into the kitchen. There is no sink per se, only an open mouthed sort of beveled indent in the floor that has overflowed until water has started to pool on the floor. “I think I still need to tighten the joint a little bit – we should be able to fix it though -“_

_“You get water?” Jonghyun hits his shoulders laughing like he’s said the most hilarious thing but he hadn’t been joking. It’s ridiculous to expect Jonghyun to get steady water supply in this shabby excuse of a house. “Where are your parents? Why aren’t they fixing it?”_

_“Busy.” Jonghyun’s one word response when accompanied by his taciturn tone leaves no room for discussion. Minhyun stands awkwardly watching the scene in front of him as Jonghyun runs over to another part of the kitchen before removing a weakly strung shopping bag that clangs with the metallic call of tools. “Hold this.”_

_The bag looks deceptively light but the moment it’s passed to him – Minhyun’s arms practically kiss gravity. Jonghyun’s smile is the only reason he would humor holding this bag at all. “It’s heavy.”_

_“Sure.” Jonghyun agrees too easily with the understanding sound of a parent giving into their child’s excuses._

_Minhyun lifts the bag up with his two hands, groaning and huffing, minutes pass but Jonghyun doesn’t turn back. “Are you ever going to ask for something from this bag?”_

_“If I ask for something that’ll make the bag lighter and you’re funny –“ Jonghyun leans closer to him, teasingly like he’s going to grab something from the bag. “Sweating like that.”_

_“What?” Minhyun drops the bag to the floor, narrowly avoiding both of their feet which only serves to make Jonghyun giggle up at him again._

_“Relax - I’ll just get it myself.” Jonghyun falls to his feet to peruse the bag and feeling rather useless, Minhyun lets himself fall to the floor too so he can cross his legs on the wet floor.  “You’ll get your clothes wet.”_

_“Your clothes are wet too.” Sitting like this, Jonghyun doesn’t feel all that far down. The difference between their heights is mitigated and almost naturally the crown of his head edges closer to Jonghyun’s own. He fixes his gaze on Jonghyun’s downturned eyes, shrouded by the overly curled black hair covering his forehead. Come to think of it – Minhyun’s never really seen Jonghyun’s forehead. “Does it exist?”_

_“What?” Jonghyun laughs looking up at him, not at all disturbed by the proximity of their frames._

_Minhyun is though, despite being the one who pushed his way into this position._

_He looks back down quickly, blinking as quickly as he can to eradicate the image burning into the back of his mind._

_Jonghyun’s smile is so free of the shackles that often surround his own. “The tool – to fix your pipe. Does it exist?” The pool of silver at his feet is enough of a distraction. It’s not quite wealth but it’s something that feels vaguely familiar to him so his hands scan the knots, knobs and twists that look like they must do something –_

_But their purpose, much like his own, leaves much to be desired._

_His hand stops shifting when Jonghyun’s hand comes over his and together he finds they’re lifting something with a dent in the middle and a hole in its heart that looks particularly painful. “Wrench.” Jonghyun responds, hands running to the metal. “It twists stuff. Like that knob on that pipe.” Then, unexpectedly Jonghyun’s fingers flick over the tool, ducking under and over until the wrench is dancing on his hands. “Watch and learn.”_

_Jonghyun leans over himself, avoiding the pool of water built over the wash area below them. Minhyun follows close beside him, leaning over to observe as close as he can because that is something he is good at. “What am I learning?”_

_“How to be sufficient.” A tinge of effort touches the effortless cool that’s normally in Jonghyun’s voice. “It helps. Even for rich boys like you.”_

_“Why?” He mumbles back, eyes never straying from the way Jonghyun’s hands grip on the pipe and the wrench, unexpected strength grunting out of him as he battles the pipe for superiority – commanding the leaking joint cease._

_“Because you don’t like anyone as it is – might as well learn to take care of yourself if you’ll never let yourself lean on anyone.” Drops of water and sweat flick off Jonghyun’s bangs as the last resounding drop falls into the sink, pushing the water over the edge of the floor._

_“What’s it like then?”_

_Minhyun’s curiosity betrays his age in a way that appears so uncharacteristic that he’s forced to colour red as he hears the other boy laugh to himself. “To what?”_

_“Like someone.” Jonghyun has the decency to stop laughing as he looks at the way Minhyun’s lanky form has started to lean on the grey battered wall of his house for support, lungs shifting in atypical pace._

_Instead, his lips press together – silent, locked before a breath passes through. “How would I know?” He looks back to the pipe, wrench thrown away so he can fall back on the floor weak. “I’m sufficient, remember?”_

 

 

 

 

“So you’re having – visions, you’d say?” Minhyun clears his throat uncomfortably as he looks around the room.

The walls around him are white, there’s a table in front of him that’s brown, and on this table Minhyun finds his eyes drawn to three upbeat coloured magazines – all related to the topic of psychology –

Ahead of him, evaluating his mental state, is his brother’s old doctor. “Yes. I keep – visualizing someone who isn’t there.”

“How do you know it’s a vision and not actually someone?”

Dr.Han is someone Minhyun doesn’t many good memories of and even if he’s the one who has willingly put himself in the path of the doctor’s bullets, there’s something in him that puts a guard up against the medical professional. “This person exists – somewhere. Not here.”

“You don’t know where?” Dr.Han rolls his pen in his hands, a motion that jolts a memory inside of him as he gulps down the recognition. Dr.Han jots something down on the paper to remember and Minhyun fights to forget instead. “Let’s not talk about that for a bit. We’re going to change direction, is that all right?” He nods carefully. “Great. Minhyun – why don’t you tell me a little bit about what your life is like right now?”

“It’s fine?” His feet start tapping against the floor.

Behind Dr.Han is a sink. On this sink, is a tap. Through this tap, water drips.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

“Was that a question? Being fine?” Dr.Han raises an eyebrow at the tone of inflection in his voice.

“No. I mean, it’s fine.” He iterates with a bit more focus to his tone, eyes squished into each other as he struggles to drown out the sound of laughs that echo in his ears with every drip. Dr.Han curls his lips into his mouth and that’s an expression Minhyun recognizes only too well – it’s reminiscent of how his father looks at him. “It’s busy. Life is busy. I’m busy.”

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

“Would you say you get enough sleep?” Probably not enough between work, his friends, and Doyeon – but he doesn’t know suffering. Not like some people.

“About the same as everyone else.” His response is purposefully vague, the knot tightens in his throat.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

To his left is a door. On this door is a knob. In five minutes, his hand can be on this knob and he will in some strange way have earned freedom.

At least, until the next time his hypothetical Jonghyun decides to pay him a visit.

Every drop thunders in his eardrums. What was running through his head when he thought coming here would be a good idea? It’s not like this is actually helping him, if anything the longer he stays – the longer he feels like this is making his mental situation all the more unstable. “I think I should leave - “

“Is it about your brother?”

“Excuse me?” This time he’s clear. No room for interpretation of his words and he lets a practiced smile twist on his face. “No I- I understand the circumstances of what happened then –“

“Then why are you here?” Dr.Han presses and slowly, thankfully, the water droplets stop their mission to drive him insane.

“I guess – I’m just – worried that our symptoms are similar – I know I’m well into my 20s at this point but –“

“Minhyun – we’ve done all the necessary tests. Your brain chemistry is normal. At this point, if you don’t start telling me more I can’t tell you if you’ll be okay or not.”

He looks down ashamed. Dr.Han is right – he knows that. “I’m getting married – in a few months.”

This must be something of a breakthrough because Dr.Han is appreciative of his willingness to communicate. “When did you have your first vision?”

He takes a deep breath. “I was out with my friends – since then the vision tends to repeat itself whenever I’m with them but – I – I think I’ve always thought of them? My thoughts – just – they’ve never existed like this before.”

“You’re visualizing their physical form approaching you despite the fact that person is not beside you?”

“That is correct.”

He’s almost expecting Jonghyun to comically pop out from behind the ornamental fern in Dr.Han’s office as if his presence has been announced. “Who is this person?”

Minhyun’s tongue-tied. “A friend.”

“A girl you value?” He freezes. The doctor has him cornered in this office and his chest begins to move rapidly, screaming for air. “I understand your hesitation but if you want to get through this – you need to tell me more.”

He pushes down the fear he feels at telling someone – anyone – about Jonghyun. “It is someone I lost – once. Someone who hurt me. A lot.” He closes his eyes, fists clenching as he grits through his next words. “Yet, this is someone I still value.”

“Someone who you’d rather be married to?” Minhyun’s eyes widen as he shakes his head. “Do you mind me asking why you switched my specific description to a general description?”

This is a question he is unable to follow. “Excuse me?”

“I asked you specifically if it is a girl you value – you described someone without a gender variant.” Dr.Han observes him closely now, eyes peering over the spectacles that have garnished his face for oh so many years to give him almost as much authority as the degree adorning his otherwise plain office walls. “Have you – always preferred the company of men, Minhyun?”

“I’m with a woman right now.” His tone, while not particularly gruff, does communicate how he doesn’t appreciate having to answer this question.

“That’s not the question I asked Minhyun – I asked if you preferred the company of men.”

“I just said I’m getting married. I love her. I do –“ He pushes because Dr.Han’s question is one that cannot be answered easily.

He wouldn’t even know where to start – there aren’t enough words in his vocabulary to describe what Jonghyun means to him. “Okay – then let’s put it this way. Do you prefer the company of the woman you’re going to marry or this person, as you put it, in your mind?” Minhyun looks down at his hands in shame as he hears the doctor do his best to prod at him carefully. How does he manage to make everyone’s life difficult? “Minhyun – do you want me to tell you what’s the matter or do you want me to help you fix it?”

“Is something the matter?” He’s not sure anyone can fix it except for the one person he’s spent the past 10 years avoiding. He’s been assured he’s not crazy – at least not yet.

“You’re stressed. You’re tired. You’ve never been particularly good at coping with yourself. After your brother’s death -  you were doing well enough to stop coming to the office but it’s not enough.  You’re under a lot of pressure, understandably. The pressure that I am sure you’re getting from around you but also from within. ”

Joohyuk was glorious.

The true definition of a divine god amongst mere mortals.

Minhyun is a mere knock off, a version 2 that never looked quite like the original.

He always had been.

“Based on your prior tests and family history – I’d be inclined to say that you’re suffering from a temporary episode of hallucinations versus what happened with your brother. I don’t believe this is something that will progress further and given the circumstances you’re under – I’m inclined to believe the moment you stop pressuring yourself – you may find release from whatever it is that haunts you, today but I can’t guarantee that will help you clear your mind.” He lets out a breath that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding when finally Dr.Han offers him a soft smile. “I’m glad I was able to provide you with that small semblance of relief but this doesn’t necessarily mean you’re healthy Minhyun. Please, understand that. I understand your hesitation to discuss what’s been causing this stress – and I certainly don’t expect you to reveal how you’re affected in our first session in nearly 10 years but – I do think you need to work through it.”

“I don’t think I was ever raised to be ‘healthy’ Dr.Han. That’s not exactly a quality that’s viewed upon favourably in the Hwang family.” Minhyun bows his head as he lifts himself from the sofa. “Thank you for your time.”

He hasn’t gotten any answers – but at least - he’s gotten the smallest sense of relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually really liked this chapter. it was easy to write. it was easy to upload. easy to edit -
> 
> so this is what it's like to have a 3.5K chapter that makes sense - wow I should go back to this world for my other stories guys - 
> 
> ALSOO - i hope you enjoyed that update <3 and low key call out to the few of you who i've seen on the other destination stories bc you're probably all like - WTF is happening bc on the one hand Seongwoo's having a romantic comedy and on the other hand Minhyun's freaking visiting a therapist so like - I wish I had an answer for you but I don't - (I mean I do but it would spoil everything so no answers)
> 
> Ty for reading <3 :) mwah mwah<3 (also here's my twitter where i do not talk about my stories at all - unless you want to talk about that - then i'll talk about it - but otherwise you'll see me spaz on stuff-
> 
>  
> 
> [lillith_evans](https://twitter.com/lillith_evans)
> 
>  
> 
> )


	7. Admire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI - DID YOU MISS ME? *gets tomatoed* 
> 
> Yeah - I deserve that - I haven't updated this in a very very long time TT.TT
> 
> enjoy fam. enjoy.

“Mom –“ Minhyun pushes his hands out to touch the wrinkle lined skin of the older woman beside him. “Why are you taking these dishes? Please let me. You’ve worked so hard cooking for us –“

“Aigoo – “ She drips with affection before turning to face her daughter with a grin that looks like it’ll take over all of her face. “Our Doyeon must have saved the country in a past life for us to have you as our son-in-law, Minhyun-ah.”

With one small kiss to his temple, she seems so unlike the mother he’s only heard about from Doyeon’s childhood.

Perhaps because in old age she’s become a little shorter and her hair’s a little grayer with her grip a little weaker.

Doyeon saw a version of her that Minhyun will never know. One as beautiful as Doyeon with long black locks to her waist, belted button down dresses and stern expressions made only sterner by perfectly painted features that conveyed the iron fist with which she raised her two daughters.

That’s the strange part.

From everything he’s seen and everything he knows – Doyeon’s family **_is_** strict. Loving, of course, but her parents are careful and measured with the amount of affection they release for their beloved daughters.

For him, though?

They’re a little more lenient and a little more careful around him. They’re probably scared he’ll run away at any time. “Eommeoni – it’s nothing – really –“

“My dear, dear brother-in-law **_to be,_** “Chungha stresses as she looks to her mother with an expression that asks the older woman to stop counting her eggs before they’ve hatched. “Our mother dotes upon you so because she’s that over the moon that someone is finally taking her troublemaker off her hands-“

If he’s being honest –

Most of the time, he finds it hard to relate to anyone in Doyeon’s family.

They’re all kind, friendly and wonderful – but none of them have ever really felt like family to him.

Kim Chungha, is almost an exception.

She – like him – is quiet, stoic, and resentful of the responsibility that’s been forced upon her in their larger family dynamic.

One of only two children to have completed higher education in their family, Chungha’s a prodigal Seoul University graduate who the family often runs to, to solve their problems. She’s the one who reviews all of Seongwoo’s contracts with him, she singlehandedly got Yoojung her job and spent most of the last summer teaching Seonho the basics of integrals in calculus.

And he sympathizes with her plight because he’s so often had to do much of the same for his family.

He’s the one who had to ask Daniel to forgive his parents.

He’s the one who pushed for Jaehwan to be sent to Paris to save his career within the company when it was discovered he was running an internal operation with the board of directors to over throw Minhyun’s father.

He’s also the one who taught Jinyoung how to smoke when the younger boy didn’t know how to handle the reality that his father had a whole family away from them that he loved more –

That last one he probably shouldn’t have done – but he’s no Kim Chungha.

Kim Chungha is perfect and he’s far – far – from being a Kim Chungha himself.

Still, the idea of having her as a sister once he marries Doyeon is not one he hates because maybe one day he’ll be able to ask Chungha to solve his problems too.

Right now, his wife-to-be looks like she wants to rip her big sister’s head off. “Shut up, Chungha.”

“Well, since we’ve degraded our barely polite conversation to insults – that’s my cue to leave.” Chungha gives him a half-hearted hug as he gets busy at the sink. Chungha scrolls over to his future father in law who is seated by the T.V. under the force of the ceiling fan. “Appa, I’m going to go then. It’s already pretty late – ”

“Aigoo,” Doyeon’s mother complains, arms coming over a statuesque Chungha. “It’s not like you can’t stay here – there’s no one with you in that big house of yours in Gangnam anyways.”

For a moment, Chungha’s breaths cease before she tries her best to laugh off her mother’s words.

Minhyun’s not sure if he’s supposed to have noticed.

“Please mom, Chungha doesn’t need anyone. My big sister is self-sufficient to a fault.” Doyeon’s airy words come with a slice of knife to them and Minhyun feels himself stiffen when his fiance’s arms work their way over his waist and restrict his movement at the sink. “Chungha’s much happier alone than with anyone who cares about her, anyways.”

Doyeon’s hands twist in front of him, knotting till he’s locked so tightly in her grasp that he’s forced to turn and look at her.

He’s about to ask her to let go when he sees her smile up at him.

Right now – his Doyeon is looking at him with many different expressions.

Trust comes through first – that’s what she always looks at him with. Trust that he’ll take care of her, that he’ll always be there for her.

Love too, because that’s what powers every action of hers around him. It’s the reason they’re together now because Minhyun is weaker for that particular emotion than he’d care to admit.

And – pride.

There’s heaps of it loaded onto her smile. She is proud of the fact she has him and Chungha doesn’t. She’s proud of the fact she parades him around like a badge to be envied by everyone she knows and more than anyone else –

She wants Chungha to envy her.

It makes his skin crawl as he turns back to the plates that are drowning in the grey sea in the sink.

He’d always known her relationship with Chungha could use work – but he’d never seen it in action – not like this where he’s been reduced to a shell of himself.

But who is he to ask for any sort of consideration?

It’s not like he doesn’t do the exact same thing to her.

“Yes, Doyeon-ssi. Please let your big sister take her leave. I promise to arrive in Hawaii eventually –“ Chungha teases despite Doyeon’s insistence to annoy her.

“It’s not like the wedding can start without you.” Doeyon rolls her eyes, accepting the embrace her big sister offers her with a little more stiffness than Minhyun thought would be present.

“Like anyone will be looking for me when someone like you is around.” Doyeon scoffs, eyes turned to the ground until Chungha parts from her and puts one hand through her hair. “Don’t let this fool do anything to hurt you.”

“Minhyun couldn’t hurt a fly.” The hair on the back of his neck prickles as he smiles and does his best to not let his eyes wander off to where both Kim sisters are looking at him with equally fond smiles on their faces.

Everything around him feels like a scam.

Like one big massive con he’s pulled off on this unsuspecting family while remaining unaware that he was even participating in it. “I’m not perfect, Doyeon.”

“He reminds me of that all the time but my conspiracy theory is that Minhyun is actually a robot born from a lab whose intent is to run an experiment on me – “ He lifts his eyes from the sink to see Doyeon laugh right at his stricken expression.

Chungha indulges Doyeon, yawning as she stretches her arms to the heavens. “Pray tell – what’s supposed to be the purpose of this experiment? Why you, Doyeon?”

“That’s easy.” Doyeon marvels as she moves towards him, arms back up and around him instead of Chungha as she leans into his chest. “Minhyun wants me to make his steel heart human.”

He does his best to smile but something about Doyeon’s words fit a little too well on him. “I think you’ve done a very good job of making me a better human being than I ever was before you –“

Doyeon pouts as she puts a finger to her chin. “I remember thinking that you must have been a snob when I first saw you in that club, sitting in that big massive booth of yours all by yourself.” She should have listened to that voice inside of her because it wasn’t wrong. He was a snob. He still is a snob. He’s just better at covering it up. “Makes me wonder who made you the man that I love –“

He laughs as he looks away to his feet. “Can’t I be wonderful all by myself?”

“I’ve met your family, Minhyun. They didn’t raise you to be like this.” She puts a hand on his shoulder. “It definitely wasn’t me and I doubt it was Minki or Dongho because they, like most normal people, are self-involved.”   

This conversation is too slippery a slope to fall down.

“All that matters is who I am today and who we’ll be when we’re together.”

Doyeon shakes her head as she looks between him and Chungha before smiling to herself. “No, Minhyun. I think it matters where we come from.” The way Doyeon’s eyes admire him, silent in their unsaid request - he wonders if Doyeon’s always been aware of the scam he’s been running.

Did she sign up to get fooled by him?

Or worse – was he fooled by her this whole time?

Their quiet impasse serves to make Chungha shuffle on her feet in awkward silence. “Well, then – you two head home too – Minhyun I’m sure you have an early start.” Chungha puts one hand through Doyeon’s again before bowing and turning out of the door as fast as possible lest their mother notice and stop her.

Taking a quick inventory of the sink, he heaves a sigh. Thankfully, there’s only a few plates and spoons left to get through.

“She’s always like that.” Doyeon leans back against the countertop, arms crossed over her chest as she looks after Chungha’s slowly disappearing body. “There wasn’t a need for you to do this by the way –“

“Your mother spent so much time cooking a homemade meal for us.” When he looks up from the sink to the window in front of him, he’s unsurprised to see another reflection beside him – younger and smiling up at him as the sensation of a hand that’s definitely not under the water with his binds him to a hallucination. “How can we expect her to wash the dishes for us?”

“This is why.” Doyeon marvels quietly as he shuts his eyes willing the hand in his to disappear.

When he opens them again – Jonghyun’s still staring at him through the window, smiling and laughing. “This is why, what?”

“This is why I think you’re perfect.” Doyeon presses a kiss to his shoulder, making the metaphysical Jonghyun beside him vanish into thin air. “I may not know who it is who made you who you are Hwang Minhyun – but I thank him for it every day.”

His eyes widen as he looks at Doyeon, knot gulped back in his throat. “What?”

Doyeon stares up at him, face still and betraying no emotion as she squeezes his waist. “You’re almost done! I’m going to just go say bye to my parents and we’ll leave in a little, okay?”

With one last kiss to silence any complaints, his bride-to-be sashays away to jump into her father’s outstretched arms as her mother chastises her for behaviour inappropriate of a woman of her age.

His eyes draw back to the grey water before him.

The hand is back, circling the insides of his palms.

“Is she wrong?” It whispers into his ears as he turns to look at Jonghyun in surprise.

He’s never spoken to him before. Not that it makes Jonghyun any more real but – it does draw a little more of himself into this hallucination.

He’s only thankful for the relative privacy of this half-exposed kitchen as the rest of the family pools around the T.V. “No, she’s not wrong.” He mumbles. “You, more than anyone else, made me the man I am today. You made me the man she’s chosen to love.” 

Jonghyun leans his head against his shoulder much like Doyeon did. With his eyes closed and face turned up to the fluorescent tube light above them, he breathes in deeply as Minhyun feels his chest exhale the same breath. “It’s a wonderful irony, isn’t it? The way things have turned out for you.”

“I’m stronger now.” Jonghyun snickers in his face.

“Yes – strong people have a habit of hallucinating their ex-boyfriends into an alternate existence. Definitely this conversation is a sign of a sane person.” Minhyun glares at him from the corner of his eyes. “Ah, there it is. I was wondering where your personality had disappeared to-“

“Old habits die hard –“

“So bitter. So bitter! Did I really make you this bitter? What a pity for such a beautiful face.” Jonghyun turns over himself until their face to face, eyes locked like they’ll never let him look anywhere else. “You really do love the idea of ordinary don’t you? It’s your sick little fetish.”

Since his mind seems intent on making fun of him, Minhyun lets his hands work through the last of the spoons and dry his hands off.

He’s just about to turn and enter the family area when Jonghyun puts his hands against his chest and uses force to push him back. “Leaving so soon?”

“This conversation has gone on long enough. I know now I’m not insane but this is sheer madness. You aren’t real – and you never will be. Thinking of you is the most useless thing I’ve ever put myself through because the real you wouldn’t think of me at all – and I may not have the capability to stop it but –“ He takes a breath as Jonghyun’s smug expression wears off. “I can choose when I ignore it and if I ignore you long enough – you’ll go away. The same way you did when you were still here. That’s your sick little fetish, Kim Jonghyun. Vanishing.”

“You really think I don’t think of you?” Jonghyun leans in closer to his ears, seductive, and secretive and in open display of Doyeon’s family. “Minhyun – you know I’ve always thought of you the way you’ve wanted me to. I’m your little puppet. Why would that be any different now just because I’m not real?” The more he looks at him, the more Jonghyun tests him in a way he’s sure he’ll fail. “Close your eyes.” Despite his desire to walk away, his eyes shut on automatic and under the cover of darkness the screen behind his gaze fills up with images of a very different Jonghyun and a very different Minhyun. “Just because I’m not in front of you doesn’t mean I left you.”

“I know.” He knows that. Of course, he knows that. It’s the reason Jonghyun’s able to torture him like this. It’s the reason he’s always on edge around his friends. It’s the reason he makes the choices he makes every single day because he knows Jonghyun and all he represents are always present at the back of his head – reminding him of every mistake he’s made and every injustice he’s been forced to suffer in the name of family.

“I think of you too.”

“You have to say that – you’re my mind. You have nothing better to think of.” His eyes flicker open as his hands pull at the hair at his roots. “What am I supposed to think? I’m not a thought or an expression or a feeling determined to ruin my life – I’m more than that.”

“I have to think of you. You want to think of me.” Jonghyun’s hands come closer to his, climbing over his fingers till he brings their hold down from Minhyun’s hair, looking up at him with the same marbled eyes that have haunted him for all these years.

“What if I want to stop wanting you?”

Jonghyun’s smile wavers as he blinks up at him and shrugs. “Think of me till you’re sick of me.”

That’s not the answer to that question because after so many years – there’s one thing Minhyun’s sure of.

Sickness will not cure him of the anguish Kim Jonghyun has left him with. 

 

 

 

_“So that’s it? You’re just not going to come to the trip? That’s bullshit.” Minki kicks at the table lightly as he pouts at the rest of them as they gobble up their lunches. “Minhyun, tell him that’s bullshit.”_

_“That’s bullshit.” He parrots for Minki, vague smile on his face as he sees Jonghyun look up at him annoyed._

_He returns this expression with a shit-eating grin of his own._

_Somewhere along the journey that is life between the ages of tender 15 and sweet 16 – Hwang Minhyun did his best to stop caring about Kim Jonghyun’s insistent presence in his life._

_A lot of it came from the fact Jonghyun’s intelligence far exceeds that of the other two apes he’s chosen to be his friends._

_Some of that comes from Jonghyun proving himself a reliable, consistent person who always delivers A+ level work in partner projects._

_So poverty, sad smile and sadder eyes aside – Kim Jonghyun is something of an acceptable acquaintance for a blue blooded Hwang Minhyun._

_A smaller part of him, the one that only rears its head right before he’s knocked out to sleep, acknowledges that Kim Jonghyun holds an odd sort of fascination for him._

_The lick of determination that kisses Jonghyun’s gaze as he rips through pages in their textbooks._

_The way in which everything he touches becomes a better version of itself._

_The way he smiles so wholly and completely despite the fact his life is only a little better than a Shakespearean tragedy._

_So Minhyun tolerates him. These facts deem Jonghyun worthy of his presence._

_“One of us should just spot you the money.” Jonghyun’s head picks up at Dongho’s suggestion as their broad-chested friend smiles all around the cafeteria like he’s looking for a victim to make Jonghyun’s sponsor before his eyes land straight on him. “Minhyun – you -“_

_“No.” Jonghyun cuts Dongho off before he can finish the sentence with his face ducked into his soup._

_What?_

_Minhyun looks a little closer at him._

_Jonghyun avoids his eyes._

_It’s not like he was going to say yes to Dongho…_

_But now Jonghyun’s reaction has him curious as to why the other boy is so against it. “Why should I give Jonghyun money to come on the school trip?” He pushes to Dongho anyways._

_“You really don’t have to –“ Jonghyun’s face starts to redden and his tongue sounds swollen._

_Minhyun’s not sure if the other boy has consumed something he’s allergic to or if this conversation is simply that threatening to an ego Minhyun’s never known Jonghyun to possess before_

_“You’re the richest of the three of us.” Minki’s arms cross over Dongho’s shoulders. “Hwang Minhyun, you listen to us and help our friend out -”_

_Sadly aware of the fact this conversation is not disappearing anytime soon, Jonghyun looks up at him with an apologetic expression on his face.  “You don’t have to – do anything – Minhyun. I’m fine really. I didn’t really want to go to Iceland anyways- I’ve heard the weather is horrible there most of the year –”_

_What is Jonghyun apologizing for when he’s not the one asking for monetary support? “Would your parents let you?”_

_For him, it’s less a matter of his money._

_His money multiplies tenfold in bank accounts by the second._

_He doesn’t care about the money._

_He cares about what it would mean for them._

_If he gave Jonghyun the money to come on the trip – it would mean that Minhyun’s recognized him as an equal._

_He’d be extending the true hand of friendship which is not something he’s done yet._

_Sure, he’s been over to Jonghyun’s house and now he understands the logistics of fixing a pipe but that doesn’t mean they’re friends._

_Friend is a word he applies very rarely to those around him but the idea of letting Jonghyun be that in his life –_

_It’s enticing._

_“I’m not sure, actually. I didn’t think to ask. They have other things to think about. More important things.” Jonghyun’s frame curls inwards, discomfort spelling itself between his eyes when a singular crease wedges itself in between his otherwise smooth gold skin._

_“This is important.” Jonghyun slurps the soup in front of him, words all but disregarded. Now, Minhyun’s irked. “Ask.” Does Jonghyun think it’s easy for him to say this? “I’m serious.” Jonghyun nods again, eyes barely glancing upwards as he pulls the bowl straight to his lips lifting it up so it covers most of his face. “Kim Jonghyun-“ He threatens._

_“What?!” Jonghyun snipes, banging the bowl down on the table beside them. Okay, maybe talking to him like he’s a child was a bad idea because now Minhyun’s sure he’s incurred a wrath from the other boy that’s completely unexpected. “What is it? Why do you have to say my name like that? What the fuck do you want from me?! You want me to kiss your feet?” Jonghyun huffs. “You’re going to give me money to come on some grand adventure?” Jonghyun growls. He physically growls – right at him! Like he’s trying to ask him to drink poison or something! “Don’t joke around Hwang Minhyun – let’s not push what we have too far.”_

_Jonghyun thinks he’s joking around, and –_

_He looks at Dongho who is looking at him with pity in his eyes._

_Minki looks frazzled._

_And suddenly Minhyun realizes they know._

_They know how he feels – all three of them know what’s in his head – and the idea that Jonghyun’s turning him away makes him colour red as he seethes. “If you don’t know what to say – there’s no need to say anything at all - or did your unfortunate upbringing not allow you to learn this lesson?”_

_“Keep your ‘kindness’ to yourself.” Jonghyun laughs at him. He’s really laughing at him as he picks his tattered bag off the floor, waving a hand towards Minki and Dongho who stare back at him. “I’m off – I actually have a student council meeting.”_

_Dongho snorts as he looks at Minhyun. Minhyun knows he shouldn’t watch Jonghyun walk away – not right now – but the sight of his storming form is so bewildering that he has no other option but to stare after him hoping to decipher what on earth caused the most passive person he’s known to react like that in front of him. “Did I mess something up?”_

_Minki shakes his head, caught just as off guard as him. “He might just be in a bad mood. In my opinion, you did the right thing – you’re looking out for him.”_

_Dongho whistles. “Maybe that’s the problem? I don’t think Jonghyun likes you very much to be honest, Minhyun.”_

_“Why not?” He’s surprised by how disturbed he feels._

_Jonghyun is well within his rights to not like him. It isn’t like Minhyun makes feeling anything other than ‘not like’ particularly easy for Kim Jonghyun either –_

_But the fact remains that – not liking Jonghyun is something he does not feel._

_In fact, as he looks after the quickly dissipating shadow of the other boy on the opposing wall –_

_Not liking Jonghyun is something he can never feel...not anymore._

_He admires Jonghyun’s tenacity and dedication. He admires Jonghyun’s ability to smile day in and day out when his circumstances are nothing to smile about and just –_

_He admires Jonghyun’s stupid mushroom haircut._

_He admires that glint of intelligence that’s ever present in Jonghyun’s eyes._

_He admires Jonghyun’s ever present kindness._

_He admires Jonghyun’s slighter frame that’s never at a disadvantage regardless of the sport._

_He admires the way Jonghyun’s lips curl into his mouth when he’s studying particularly hard._

_He admires the way Jonghyun debates with the professors for extra marks._

_He admires the way Jonghyun’s golden skin would look pressed against the stark grey of the walls in Jonghyun’s battered home as he’ll push the hair out of the Jonghyun’s eyes and –_

_His eyes widen as he looks away from the door to his soup._

_His imagination really is getting ahead of itself._

_Jonghyun is not something to admire…_

_His thoughts are interrupted with a white cloth rubbing at his lips._

_He shrieks as Minki snickers bringing the cloth back up and over his lips – shoving it into his mouth so the teachers don’t worry that Minki is hurting him. “Gbthat way from me!”_

_He spits the cloth out, unamused with the way Choi Minki and Kang Dongho are making his life easy and difficult all at once._

_This is all their fault._

_Why did they have to make him think of this at all?_

_“Stop drooling.” Minki teases. It almost looks like he’s about to wink at him but Minki’s known him a lot longer than Jonghyun and he knows how to manipulate him a little better than that. “Just – do it in secret.”_

_God – does he know? That’s impossible – Minki’s not a mind reader. Mind readers don’t exist. “In secret?”_

_Besides Jonghyun would never agree to that. Not in a million years - “Yeah, sponsor him through your parents.”_

_Oh – do ‘that’ in secret._

_That’s not a half bad idea._

_Still, it’s not like he’s going to tell Minki he’s actually considering it. “And why would I do that?”_

_Minki snorts as he picks the napkin up and tries to wipe at his mouth again._

_He slaps Minki’s hand away._

_Dongho giggles like a little girl._

_Point made._


	8. Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone give me an award. I updated Collide in a decent time frame.

“We’re about 30 minutes outside of Hana airport – estimated time of arrival is 12:45PM-”

“Thank god." Minki mumbles as Dongho looks at him like he wants to punch his best friend's lights out. Minhyun muffles a laugh into his hands as Dongho feigns punching the still sleeping Minki on his shoulder. Sure, the gesture is violent but Minhyun doesn't blame him - Dongho hasn't been allowed to move for the past 6 hours of this 11 hour flight just so Minki's skin resurfaces at the right 'time'.

“- the weather outside is a refreshing 23° Celsius or roughly 74° Fahrenheit. We’ll be landing off the coast of Hana Airport’s infamous black sand beach -”

“BLACK SAND?!” Daniel shrieks as he claps his hands together three rows down from them. “I have never seen black sand before in my life!”

The air hostess, like everyone else on this private plane except for Daniel’s parents, can’t help but smile into her hands. “Yes. It’s unlike any other beach in the world and the views from Hana are truly spectacular. I recommend you lift your window covers now because the sight of Hana as we land - well - it’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen -"

Daniel’s eyes sparkle up as he quickly turns to the window and whips it open. “Would you be kind enough to share some suggestions for places to go to in Maui and Hana? I've never been so -”

From beside him, Doyeon does her best to do the same thing in a slightly more restrained motion until Minhyun sees his mother lean over and pull the window up with fervor.

Doyeon laughs as she leans over him to look at the clouds.

“Daniel –“ His Aunt Hyejin’s voice is deep and always strict. She uses it now to chastise her son and shut down any prospect of Daniel continuing his conversation with the air hostess. “I’m sure she has better things to do than tell you where to go get your best Mai Tai on the island.” 

“And with that –“ The door to the pilot cabin behind them cracks open. He turns quickly to the back, doing his best to muffle an inward groan as his suspicions have been confirmed. It’s the more annoying of the two co-pilots at the head of their private jet. “I thank you once again for letting us fly your family on this momentous occasion Hwang-nim.”

The pilot comes over to their set of facing four, hand extended towards him.

On normal days, the name ' _Hwang-nim_ ' would refer to him.

But today – his father is here.

It’s a momentous occasion that his father has taken several days off from his only love, work, to assure the many investors, suppliers and politicians invited to this wedding that he is a ‘family’ man.

So today, it is his father who gets to answer to that name with all the airs of a corrupt businessman. “Son, you’ve been flying our family for so many years now and we know the challenges that come with long flights on these smaller planes. The pleasure is all ours, Donghan-ah.” Besides, Donghan's just doing this to annoy him.

Still, at praise from the Hwang patriarch - Donghan beams with a brightness that would have the sun outside their plane run green with envy. “I believe it’s been a little over five years, sir.” Donghan tilts his head forward in a respectful bow but as his head rises, Minhyun becomes very aware of the fact Donghan’s staring right at Doyeon. “I think it’s the first time I’ve met Minhyun’s girlfriend though – thought she was a mythical fairy tale creature – and after seeing her I’m almost sure she is!”

Doyeon lets out a real cackle before she restrains herself to a more modest smile as her fingers reach for his. “Most fairy tales untouched by Disney end in disaster – I’d like to remain Minhyun's human fiancée for now.”

The correction doesn’t fly by Donghan and Minhyun does his best to keep his gaze at the window. “Right – fiancée!” Even the way he says it, Donghan sounds like he’s mocking the word. “Well, if you’re not a Disney princess yet – after this wedding you’ll be the closest thing Korea has to a princess Kim Doyeon-nim!” The plane laughs with Donghan. Even Daniel’s sour parents join in and Minhyun wonders if everyone on this flight shares the same half of a brain to think that 'joke' was funny. “Well – between the two of us Doyeon-nim,” Donghan leans down, mouth pressed to her ear just loud enough for Minhyun to hear. “Men make fools out of themselves for pretty girls but Minhyun – he’s special – people often make fools of themselves for him-“

He isn’t the type of man to cut off another person’s words but watching Donghan whisper into Doyeon’s diamond adorned ears, with both their lips stretched into Cheshire grins as they taunt him - 

He feels too warm and cold all at once. “Donghan-nim, I’m not the type of guy who tells other people how to do their jobs but a pilot’s place is in the cockpit not out with his passengers endangering their lives-”

“Sensitive.” Donghan chides with one hand over his heart as he settles back, whatever else he was about to say safe from Doyeon's ears and Minhyun’s dignity intact. “You think I have any power to endanger your precious life Minhyun-nim? You do me a great great honor -”

Well, dignity intact for now. “I doubt that – planes mostly fly themselves nowadays and it’d be ever so wonderful if you went back to sleeping in your cabin-“

“Minhyun!” Doyeon exclaims as he scowls at her before turning back to the window pulling his hand away from her.

If he’s a prince – and Doyeon’s his princess- and they’re on their way to their happily ever after –

Why won’t the world let it materialize?

If it’s not Jonghyun – it’s something else –

And Donghan is worse than Jonghyun - so so much worse.

Jonghyun is not real. Jonghyun is someone he longs to see. Jonghyun is a dream and a hope and a wish of a better future – a future a younger him nostalgically longs for.

Donghan’s real and he's destructive, itching for a chance to ruin everything he’s had a chance to build up around him. “You should go back to sleep, Minhyun-nim. Looks like you may have a case of very bad jet lag-”

“Apologize, Minhyun.” His mother warns but he keeps his lips sealed. “Your silence is a show of your immaturity - your words were callous and rude to Pilot Kim.” He turns his glare to his mother, watching as she lifts her eyes from the newspaper to stare him down with just as much ferocity behind her eyes. “Do I have to repeat myself?”

“Ah – what’s a little jousting between two old friends?” Donghan teases, a hand reaching over Doyeon to punch him in the arm. “Minhyun’s not wrong Hwang ma-nim – I am but your humble servant.” A wave of nausea hits him as he covers his mouth and looks away from the window to his hands. “How about we get everyone one last drink order before we land?” Donghan pronounces to the clamoring happiness of everyone else on this flight to Hell. Before the hostess runs off to start filling orders, Donghan reaches for her shoulders. “Hwang-nim likes one single malt scotch and ma-nim will have one glass of the California Merlot – and – Minhyun – “ His eyes linger a little longer on his before he covers the smile inside his mind with a steelier expression. “Why don’t we get the Hwang baby a glass of Coca-Cola? You’re feeling air sick right?” He doesn’t answer but Doyeon’s face turns towards him alarmed and his mother makes a ticking sound at the back of her throat. She never did like it when he threw up on flights but he’s gotten better at it – he waited almost the whole flight to feel sick to his stomach. “Actually, Doyeon-nim before we land – what will you have?”

“Your memory!” Doyeon teases and then adds on a more serious note. “Can I have a glass of gin and tonic?”

“Gin and tonic – a girl after my own heart.” Donghan winks right at her as the hostess dashes off to the bar at the back of the plane.

And, thankfully, Donghan vanishes to the place from where he came. Never to be remembered again if Minhyun would have anything to do with it - “I’ve never seen you get that irritated with someone!"

Maybe that's wishful thinking. "Pilot Kim’s not wrong – I’m not feeling so well.” His explanation doesn’t quite explain the way Doyeon would like for it to. The air of concern on her face dims to an understanding she doesn't want to accept. She won't ask for more from him given where they are - but she wants to. "I should go apologize.”

“You should.” Doyeon bites, her tone not quite rude but she definitely doesn’t look pleased as she hands him his Coke after grabbing it from the hostess before pulling her own Gin and Tonic into her hands. “Be fast then, the plane’s landing soon.”

“Doyeon –“ He pleads as she looks back to the book in her lap.

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Whatever for?” Doyeon waves him off with the back of her hand, flipping the page only to give the impression of reading because he knows she takes far longer than thirty seconds to get through a page of Anna Karenina.

His mother bristles in the chair and he walks off towards the back of the cabin, aware of the eyes that follow him just until he has a chance to disappear through the doors to see Donghan's eyes flicker up to meet his in surprise.

It's been quite a while since he's been back here - four years at least. “To what do I owe this pleasure? Want to have a little battle of words again Hwang baby-nim?”

He grits his teeth together willing himself the patience to have this conversation before Donghan has it for him with Doyeon. “We need to talk.”

“I remember that line - "Donghan sighs, wistful and airy as he spins on the chair before  landing on his feet. "You loved using it - but we never did end up ever talking. Sanggyun – you good?“ Donghan presses a hand against his co-pilot’s stiffening shoulder.

"Don't do anything stupid."

"Too late." Donghan teases as he reaches for his hands and starts pulling him off to the pilot’s bedroom. It’s small but decorated modestly. Wooden walls, plastic ceiling, efficient hooks and clean opaque white sheets that Minhyun remembers turning transparent with his sweat. It's almost perfectly sound proof too. “So - Minhyun - is this the part where we fuck one last time before you lie to your future wife and tell her – ' _Oh no baby I don’t like cock I swear! Who told you that?!'_ "

Well, Donghan's as crude as ever.

He’s not wrong though. That is why he's here. “I owe you an apology.”

“For that show out there?” Donghan laughs into his fist like he’s powering it up to use it to knock sense into himself. “Please – I liked it.” Minhyun's eyes flicker up as Donghan turns his head to the side. “Glad, Doyeon-nim lights enough of a fire in you that you feel like rebelling against your asinine family is worth it.” Donghan flicks his hands into his pockets before pulling out a carton of cigarettes. “You still smoke?”

“If the opportunity so strikes - ” His hands are pulling at the cigarette before he can stop himself as Donghan laughs at his desperation.  “What?”

Donghan shrugs, kicking his shoes off and hanging his jacket against the hook to the side before loosening his tie and falling back on his bed looking entirely like –

Minhyun looks away but a flicker of a flame catches his head and twists it back down as Donghan lights a cigarette and lets out a breath. Minhyun lies down beside him, taking the light to his own cigarette. “So then - if it's not a quickie - is it a therapy session? What made you decide that marriage was the right thing for you?”

Despite the fact Donghan's mocking him - he decides to answer because he knows part of Donghan is itching for an explanation. Just like his Doyeon is - except Donghan has more pieces of the puzzle in hand and maybe he can help him put it together. “You’re with someone for three years – you decide to get married.” Donghan laughs sitting up against the headboard. “What?”

“As always," Donghan stretches his arms out, legs twisting to his left till his knees kiss Minhyun’s. “You’re adorable.”

He looks away to his ashtray tapping his cigarette. “That’s not a word often associated with me."

“No, of course not.” Donghan’s head bobs up and down at a speed that makes him look like a cartoon character. “Why would it be when your life’s mission is to never let anyone see this side of you?”

Minhyun scoffs as he looks up at the plastic coated ceiling. “What side would that be?”

“The one you deny.” Donghan’s fingers tickle at the side of his thighs and he shuts his eyes. “The one who has nightmares about his dead brother,” They draw upwards. “The one who hates being their little tin solider –“ They dance over the lip of his starchly ironed trousers as his breath hitches in his throat and Donghan’s lips land at the side of his ears. “The one who comes to knock on an ex-lover’s door 15 minutes before he’s supposed to land a flight –“

“You’ve gotten the job done faster –“ The moment the slip is out of his mouth, Donghan’s cackling into his hands. “Besides – I’m not your lover – and this isn’t that kind of visit-“

“Lover sounds a hell of a lot more romantic than a couple of humps in the privacy of the pilot’s bedroom while your parents assume you’re examining the cockpit - although - I guess that wasn't entirely untrue-“ Donghan snickers into his hands as Minhyun wonders why on earth anyone thinks Donghan is funny. “You never found him then?”

Ah -

So he hasn't forgotten.

And like he’s been waiting to be called, Jonghyun materializes. The smaller boy clings to his other side as the three of them share the bed and Minhyun looks to his right as he starts to rush excitedly out of his mouth. “You told him about me?! Wow – you never tell anyone about me, Minhyun!”

His jaw clenches tight as he looks back to Donghan to respond to his words. “No, I guess I didn’t bother to find him after a while. Didn’t need to-”

“Well – she is very pretty." Donghan sighs. "The type of pretty that takes up every waking thought -"

“She’s brilliant. Everyone loves her – my mother – my father – Minki – Daniel – Dongho –“

“You too, I’m assuming?” He gives Donghan a stern look as he shrugs. “It’s a fair question – don’t you glare at me again.”

It is a fair question. It’s just unfair people keep asking him to prove how he feels for Doyeon. He loves her. He’s sure of it. “Doyeon – when she’s herself – makes me happier than I’ve been in a long time. Why shouldn’t I want to keep her with me?”

“Right – and marriage is just a by-product because it isn’t fair to her to not put a ring on it.” Donghan nods along as he looks at his own hands. “I get it. The young rich chaebol with an image has a girlfriend that allows him to ignore all his problems. Everyone’s happy if they're happily ever after and sure this is a bit selfish but – why not?”

“Why not.” The words echo at the back of his throat, leaving a bad taste in his mouth like a sweet milk gone sour.

Jonghyun's grown bored of his lack of a response as he climbs over him and Minhyun feels his eyes enlarge as Jonghyun straddles Donghan's hips, examining Donghan from head to toe before twisting his lips into his mouth and turning to tilt his head at Minhyun with suggestion all but spelled across his face as Minhyun tries his best to ignore his mind's intention to drive him half way insane. "I see it. I really do." Minhyun looks to the wall, relieved when he feels Jonghyun come back to his side. “Oh don't get your panties in such a twist - it's not a big deal if I like him! I'm just you after all! I think you should have been with him longer. He doesn’t talk shit and – if your memory and body’s serving me well – “

Minhyun would very much like his mind to stop mocking him. He’s doing his best to exercise an immeasurable amount of self-restraint as he does his best to not speak back to Jonghyun and not –

Well, he’s not sure what he’d let himself do with Donghan if he didn’t have a little shackle on his left hand glimmering up at him with all the glitter of the infinite promises he's made to Doyeon.

Donghan puts his cigarette out. “If you’re worried I’m going to slip her some sort of secret note about your every kinky fantasy –“ Minhyun’s eyes  flicker to his and Donghan raises his hands like a criminal. “Relax, relax. I’m not in the business of outing rich boys who can wipe my identity and have me killed for breakfast.”

“I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Wouldn’t you?” Jonghyun mumbles into his ears, hands snaked over his waist as he nuzzles into his chest and Minhyun has to stop himself from sighing at the sensation his body is torturing him with. “Self-preservation is your defining trait – no matter what stands in your way –Hwang Minhyun is the only one left standing at the end of the day because Hwang Minhyun cares only for himself.”

“Outside, it sounded like a different story – “ Donghan snickers.

“Donghan –“

Donghan shakes his head, one hand covering his mouth before it wanders over to cup his cheeks. Minhyun gulps back the knot in his throat as Donghan’s eyes shut with a sad sort of acceptance in them. “I wasn't delusional Minhyun - I never thought we were anything more than a moment in time when you needed to define yourself and I thought I found something to call my own -”

He hadn't really had a choice back then - they’d been getting close to encroaching on both their realities– hadn't Donghan seen that?  “Donghan – I’m sorry – “

“With your kind – Hwang Minhyun – it’s always a different story.” Donghan’s thumb rubs across the backside of his ear, tingles racing between his nails through Minhyun’s mind. He leans his forehead against Donghan’s, breathing the apologies he’s always wanted to say to him but never had the chance to. “If you’re going to choose to live what I think is a lie for any array of horrible reasons – can I offer you a piece of advice?” His eyes flicker open as Donghan stares at him, all humor escaping from his gaze. “Apologize to yourself before you apologize to anyone else.”

His hands clench into the sheets.

Jonghyun’s hands tighten over his waist, a flutter of kisses pressed into his neck.

 

 

 

 

_“STOP PUTTING SUNSCREEN ON ME – I AM TRYING TO DRIVE AND THERE’S LITERALLY CLOUDS EVERYWHERE – WHY AREN’T YOU PUTTING SUNSCREEN ON MINHYUN OR JONGHYUN’S FACE?”_

_“The teacher said that we have to be on top of our shit and take care of our assigned partners all throughout the trip because none of us speak Icelandic and your skin is so pretty I can’t believe you don’t take better care of it – what is wrong with you? Do you know how much effort I put into my skin – a lot – a lot – like mom had to confiscate my credit card the other day because I went crazy because of the Chuseok sales but really – STOP STRUGGLING! THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN OVER BY NOW IF YOU WEREN’T STRUGGLING!”_

_“I think –“ Minhyun turns his head towards his fellow passenger in the backseat. Minki continues to try to jump over the barrier between him and Dongho to put thick white creams on the other boy’s snarling face. “I think, we’re going to die, Minhyun."  Jonghyun laughs, his whole face shines with the soft light the dreary clouds allows into their car._

_He should have asked to be put in a different car from Dongho and Minki. He should have asked for **them** to be alone._

_But he doesn’t know how to drive – not yet at least – and Jonghyun doesn’t even have access to a car - so all that would have accomplished was the two of them doing what they always do -_

_Just stare at each other._

_As such, this was the best method by which he could achieve a private transfer for their group away from the rest of the students - Dongho's the only one in the entire grade with his license. "If Minki can put some ice on how turned on skincare makes him – then we might make it out of here alive.”_

_“You are lucky that you’re in the backseat, Hwang Minhyun.” A more uncouth version of himself may have flipped Minki the middle finger but he's better than that._ _So he gives Minki a disinterested expression before turning back to his first edition copy of 'Oliver Stone'. "It’s no fun playing with Minhyun – his face is a stone wall.”_

_“With cracks.” Jonghyun adds, laughing as he continues to marvel at the rolling green hills that surround their car as they drive on the secluded highway that will connect them from Iceland's capital city of Reykjavik where the airport is to the more secluded hot spring community of Hverager _ði.__

_Despite his silence, his best friend appears to have thought this means he has a chance to speak on his behalf. "You're so right, Jonghyun. Minhyun is like a wrinkly old man -" He chucks the book in his hand at Minki's head.  Minki's eyes expand in shock as he throws the book back at him and Minhyun growls up at him as Minki shrieks_ _. “HEY Jonghyun – you never did tell us in detail what happened with the trip!"_

_“Ah – it’s boring.” Jonghyun waves his hand out to the front as Minhyun looks at a cooing Minki like he's about to eat him alive for breakfast if he doesn't keep his mouth shut. “You wouldn’t want to hear it –“_

_“Nonsense – I’d love to hear it – it’s this or coat the yeti’s face with sunscreen so-“_

_"DO NOT CALL ME A YETI WHEN I LITERALLY HAVE YOUR LIFE IN MY HANDS –“_

_Dongho makes them all fear for their lives when he whips one hand off the wheel to shove Minki in the shoulder. ““DON’T JUST KILL ME BECAUSE YOU’RE SO SENSITIVE ABOUT HOW CUDDLY YOU ARE-“_

_Dongho wails like a weeping widow. “MINHYUN  - MINKI'S TRYING TO USE FUN ADJECTIVES TO CALL ME FAT AGAIN - "_

_He groans putting his head into his hands as he looks to Jonghyun. Their only saving grace would be distracting Minki for long enough with a good enough story. Today, Choi Minki's in one of those weird moods of his where all he wants to do is irritate everyone around him into an early grave. “Jonghyun, please just tell us how you got on the trip so that I don’t have to listen to this garbage and we stay alive until we reach the resort. I don’t think I’d like to say I died in Iceland with you idiots.”_

_Jonghyun’s smile vanishes for a second before it’s back and looking at a scowling Minki’s face. “Right ah – well the principal called me in, said a very generous donation came in from one of the founding families that would allow them to extend a little more help to scholarship students. I filled out some forms and since I was the only one not going on the trip – well here I am.”_

_“Wow – that is the most boring story I have EVER heard.” Jonghyun shrugs in Minki’s direction before looking back at the window with the same dumb smile on his face. It's kind of cute - seeing someone look so happy at being outside of Korea for the first time. He always wants to throw up at the idea of travelling - mostly because he gets air sick so easily. It's why his parents leave him behind by himself so much.“You couldn’t come up with anything better?”_

_Minhyun feels his jaw drop as he leaps off his seat, ignoring a laughing Dongho and an oblivious Jonghyun as he flicks Minki’s forehead. “Real life is boring Minki – be nicer to Jonghyun!”_

_“I am being nice to Jonghyun –“ Minki roll his eyes. “You’re the one who’s always mean to him.”_

_“HOW AM I MEAN TO HIM WHEN I –“ He catches Jonghyun’s eyes on him and he zips his mouth before he says anything else that will reveal his new secret. “I’ve been as welcoming as I can manage.”_

_“He’s right. He's been fine recently.” Jonghyun yawns  before settling his head against the window of the car. It's nothing earth shattering - in fact, his mouth is stretching open like it's about to welcome flies into it's humble abode but regardless Minhyun feels his chest start to constrict the more he looks at the exhausted boy beside him. “Real life can be boring. I happen to like boring. Makes sure I can predict what’s happening next.”_

_“Fortune teller Jonghyun! I love it –“ Minki squeals, whacking Jonghyun's face awake as he puts his palm in Jonghyun's hands making the other boy laugh. Something about watching the two of them grates his insides, so Minhyun does his best to focus on the tribulations of the child orphan in his book. “What’s my fortune, Jonghyun?”_

_“Well Choi Minki-" Jonghyun takes a breath, hands swirling over Minki's as the other boy giggles delightedly. "I foresee that you'll fall in love in a place with a lot of sun - somewhere like an island - the person should be my height -"_

_“Don’t hit on me Jonghyun! Minhyun’s literally right there –“ Jonghyun bursts into a fountain of nervous laughs as Minki winks at him._

_He scowls as he glares at the two people making their own inside jokes. “Would one of you care to explain why it matters to me if the two of you are flirting with each other?”_

_“You’re a prude.” Dongho calls out from the front and he turns to look at Jonghyun for some reassurance that Jonghyun doesn't feel that way about him._

_"I am not a prude."_

_"You are SUCH  a prude." Well, of course, when it counts Minki always takes Dongho's side._

_God, Minki says shit just to distract other people and Dongho says crap just to say crap. "W_ _hat’s my fortune?” He’s shoving his palm into Jonghyun’s face as the other boy looks as nauseated as Minhyun felt on the plane ride over here. Jonghyun recoils from his palm like it's going to hit him and Minhyun knows that this is Jonghyun insisting he doesn't want to read his palm but_ _Minhyun reaches for the other boy's hands anyways. “Read it!”_

_It's a bad idea that he's being this pushy - but he feels like he has a right on him here._

_He's the one who spent the money to get Jonghyun here. Why can't he take strides to close the river long gap between them? “I was fucking around with Minki –“_

_“Well – mess around with me too.” Minki coughs into his hands and quickly turns back to the front seat. “What does it say?” He gulps back the knot of anxiety building in his throat. By his own admission, Jonghyun was just spewing fake stories for laughs but –_

_Maybe with him – Jonghyun will say something about how he feels. Maybe he’ll give him an idea of how to – build them to be better._

_Jonghyun’s eyes stay cast down at their hands as Minhyun’s eyes stay on his head. A bump in the road makes their frames bounce upwards in the SUV and Jonghyun holds onto his hand a little tighter._

_Minhyun grips back but the sensation of their hands - together - must be like some sort of alarm inside Jonghyun's head because in a second the other boy has pulled himself back from Minhyun like the richer boy is made of hot coal. “I’m sorry, Minhyun. I honestly don’t read palms and I can’t even pretend to read yours-"_

_Oh…_

_"It’s that bad, huh?” Jonghyun’s eyes flicker up confused as Minhyun smiles against the window. “I get it - it’s bad. My fortune - it'll always be bad.”_

_Jonghyun looks confused but he shouldn’t be.“I didn’t read your palm-“_

_“You didn’t have to.”  He hadn't been looking for his fate anyways. Minhyun curls his lips into his mouth as his heart shrinks back to a shell of its size. “Things never go the way I want them to and I don't need a palm reading from the all too great Kim Jonghyun to tell me that.”_

_Jonghyun doesn’t respond._

_And somehow that makes him feel even more empty inside as he stares at the words on the page before him._

_There's so little to say._

_But another bump in the road lurches them all in their seats as Minki glares at  Dongho. “Are you even licensed?”_

_“Excuse me?!” Dongho snarls. “Why don’t you try to drive princess cause I'm like up to here-!”_

_“I would! Except I don’t have a license and I don’t plan on getting arrested in a foreign country –“_

_Jonghyun shifts from his seat by the window to come sit beside him and Minhyun's eyes glance up from his book to look straight at the other boy._

_"Well then don't complain - you're getting more irritating with every day Minki -"_

_Jonghyun holds his palm up to his face before looking down to where Minhyun's palm is safe all by itself._

_He raises his eyebrows but Minhyun only tilts his face closer to him - struck silent by the fact Jonghyun’s close enough to -_

_Jonghyun ends up twining their fingers together by himself._

_“I'M IRRITATING? I'M IRRITATING? I'm just happy your idiot face didn't ship his bloody Lambo here because AT SCHOOL IT'S LIKE EVERY DAY - Is your car muffler broken?! Are you trying to compensate for something with the rumble of your car engine Dongho?!"_

_"EXCUSE ME - YOU HAVE ACTUALLY SEEN MY PENIS UNDER NON SEXUAL CIRCUMSTANCES IN GYM CLASS AND STOP ATTACKING ME PHYSICALLY-"_

_He can feel Jonghyun's breath against the center of his hand and it loses structure in Jonghyun's light hold. The other boy is smiling into it, eyes peering close at the lines that are supposed to have predicted the outcome of one Hwang Minhyun’s life._

_"Oh - please - like you're not flaunting your car everywhere because you're such hot shit now - like what do you think is going to happen-“_

_Jonghyun’s eyes lift and look to his heart just as his fingers loosen their hold on him. “You’re going to be happy, Minhyun.”_

_With a sense of finality, Jonghyun turns back to his seat, eyes peering at the hills that pass them over and over and over again -_

_And Minhyun stares at his hands - looking for the path in his palms that leads to the word happy._

_Happy is not something he’s asked for or expected from his world. He knows better._

_But -_

_Happy feels like a gift Jonghyun can give him, even if his world won't._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual - Lilli pushes her rare ship agenda (Dongho/Gunhee, Donghan/Minhyun - honestly I DON'T KNOW WHY MY BRAIN BOTHERS TO COME UP WITH THIS STUFF)
> 
> I wrote this chapter entirely for that cockpit joke that Donghan makes that likely no one remembers. Also so that Dongho can drive a Lambo and Minki can have a credit card he can overcharge and so Minhyun can be his existential self that he is in this fic.


	9. Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI :D
> 
> SORRY FOR THE INDECENT UPDATE TIMING.
> 
> KAY BIE. GO ENJOY <3

_The beaches in Iceland are as treacherous as they are beautiful._

_Every inch of the black sand beach, Reynisfjara, screams hostility._

_From the coarse, uneven grains of sand they walk on to the ever looming nature crafted grey pillars that stand guard outside the entrance of stone spiked caves - ev_ _erything about this place is just –_ _“Minki-ya, I’m going to go climb the rocks – you can take a picture, right?”_

_Not waiting for Minki to actually respond to him, Dongho shoves his phone into his best friend's tired, outstretched hand and Minhyun laughs at the peeved expression Minki wears._

_Reynisfjara is a little less eerie if he observes the many jacket clad individuals on the beach._

_Perhaps in the past - it held more clout as a dangerous place to remain untouched by undeserving human hands._

_Alas it's present condition renders it tourist paradise. It's picture perfect fodder for the masses who have decided to stake claim on a land never meant to be tamed._

_And of course tiger tamer, Kang Dongho has to try his hand at taming their shrewd surroundings by climbing the ever towering grey columns to their left._ _Dongho, however, has not counted on the wind becoming his new enemy and as his best friend slips step after step, even Minhyun feels like it’s necessary to caution their impulsive adventurer. “Is the surface too smooth?! Be careful!”_

_“Yeah, Minhyun’s right. Don’t fall, none of us can pick you up and I’m not calling for a lifeguard!” Minki hollers back._

_Dongho, who has really only gotten three small rocks off sand level, looks to them unimpressed with their 'assistance' in helping him conquer this mountain. “THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM – THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME FROM WHERE YOU’RE SAFELY SITUATED FAR AWAY –“_

_But he’s not alone for long._

_“Go right! That one looks a little more stable and like there's more texture to the surface -” Jonghyun’s laughing, ridiculously thin denim jacket waving in the air as he joins Dongho by reaching for his hands and pulling himself up so they're standing on the same rock._

_And then somehow the grey slides that had evaded Dongho's feet become the easiest of steps for Kim Jonghyun._

_The smaller boy hops and skips, successively conquering stone to stone to stone –never forgetting to pull Dongho up with him so they’re always standing together before they make a leap to move up again. Never apart._

_“Somehow – this view here is irritating, huh?”_

_He turns to look at Minki with his eyes expressionless._ _He’s not entirely certain if Minki is talking about the rocks or their friends b_ _ut he is inclined to agree that something about this view is a little too wonderful to stomach. “Did you take the picture, yet?”_

_“Fair, that'll end this torture sooner and then we can get back to the car where it's warmer -” Now that the mystery from his words has disappeared, Minki scoffs as he takes a picture of the two friends climbing higher, fingers held tight as they laugh into each other's ears - entirely unaware that Minki’s capturing the magic as it paints itself on their faces._

_This, Minhyun can agree, is the most irritating view he’s ever seen._

_“You can come down now!” Minki barks to their friends as they look at each other before jumping at exactly the same time without exchanging a word._

_Because Minki is a good friend - he takes a picture._

_Jonghyun high fives Dongho who ducks and pretends to annoy the other boy by evading his hands._

_Now, Minki looks a little more annoyed but he takes another picture anyways just before the other two find their way back to them._

_Minhyun’s about ready to move on from these stupid lumbering rocks but Jonghyun has other plans as he tries to reach for Dongho’s phone in Minki’s hands. “Jonghyun, Dongho already has your number –“_

_“Don’t be stupid.” Jonghyun rolls his eyes at Minki as he successfully plies the iPhone away from the silently fuming Minki . “Come on –  you two should get up there. The view is great.”_

_He clears his throat, eyes seeking Jonghyun's as the other boy laughs and shows Dongho the shot of them jumping in the air._

_He looks back at the columns._

_Any view here doesn't really feel that wonderful. How much could the columns help improve that anyways?_

_It isn’t that he’s scared of climbing them._

_"I don't want to slip." It’s just that he doesn’t see much of a point to it. “Jonghyun, are you going to help us climb up too?”_

_“You and Minki are both tall.”  Jonghyun replies, eyes never straying from the phone as he clears his throat. “I don't think the two of you really need my help -”_

_Dongho bursts out laughing, arms wrapped over Jonghyun’s narrow shoulders just so he can dig his knuckles into his victim’s scalp. “Who the hell you calling short, shortie?”_

_Minki looks at him and he looks back at Minki._

_They’re no telepaths but somehow they end up on the same wavelength as they shake their heads in perfect synchrony. “No.”_

_Both Dongho and Jonghyun pause to look at them with very freaked out expressions._ _“Whatever,” Dongho shrugs first as his eyes turn towards the grey water a few feet away from them. “Jonghyun – let’s leave wimpy idiots here and go to the water.”_

_Actually, since they were little, Dongho’s always had an unhealthy love for water. He’d swim and swim and swim until his muscles gave up on him._

_By contrast, Minki’d always hated water and so without a care for the fact that Minki will never follow him Dongho dashes off towards the call of the waves. “Be careful! They’re really big!”_

_“I'm born of Jeju blood - water won't hurt one of it's own!" He laughs in the face of Minki’s fearful face._

_"What a fucking dumbass, the water doesn't care if he's from Jeju or not -" Minki curses as he shuffles from side to side, eyes cast down. "He's going to die and I won't be able to save him and then what the fuc-"_

_Jonghyun, observing the blood running out of Minki's face, pulls on his hand to snap him out of his downwards spiral. “I’ll go after him and make sure he’s okay -” Without another breath in their direction, Jonghyun runs off after Dongho._

_Minki looks disheartened  as he follows Jonghyun's steps - albeit to a smaller degree - the only degree his fear will allow him to manage as they watch Jonghyun pull Dongho back from direct contact with the water by splashing him and running away._

_Needless to say, Jonghyun's splashed back countless times over. “Minhyun, are we lame for staying back?”_

_“No." Minki's looking for assurance to his fear - and so Minhyun will provide him with it. Like any good friend. "We just don’t want to get wet. The other students aren’t really running in either, see? " He points to the senior guys who are laughing and trying to take a group selfie. There’s another group of people who look like they’re actually studying on the beach which is a feat to be admired in and of itself. Then there’s Park Jihyo and her gaggle of girls who are posing one by one in front of the caves._

_And then there's them - straying to the edge of safety where Dongho and Jonghyun are laughing and rolling in water._

_The more time he spends here in this place, the more he feels at peace with Reynisfjara._

_There’s an eerie, sort of haunting, energy in the way the waves roar at their backs only further emphasized by the threatening appearance of the landscape surrounding them._

_And yet – it is this place’s empty hostility which gives him the greatest comfort because this is a place where the world he lives in every day can fade away into nothingness. Only the sun in the sky will remain witness to the other Hwang Minhyun living a different sort of life universes away from this one._

_At not being called for to join Dongho and Jonghyun’s little water wrestle, Minki appears to be even more dismayed, settling down on the ground in quiet protest – close enough to look at the two of them without disturbing their field of vision. “I wish we’d never come here.”_

_“Why?” It’s not quite the usual Dubai, Vancouver or Maldives but – it’s not that bad either. “You’ve been a little off since we got here.”_

_“Off? It's just cold.” There’s a hint of failing deflection in his voice which causes Minhyun to only push his insistence to have a more real answer from Minki than a repetition of his words. “And I’m just learning that the world I live in is set up to fail me.”_

_“Unfortunate.” Minki turns to look at him unamused by his forced attempt at empathy given the vulnerability of his revelation. “It isn’t that – I don’t understand.” Minki raises one eyebrow at him, skepticism scribbled across his face because it's fair to say Minhyun often has trouble understanding the troubles of others. “It’s just failure or success – that’s not something I’ve ever asked the world for. I don’t ever really get a choice in anything.”_

_“Minhyun," Minki laughs, "Our lives are drafted books. Written with the intention that we will stumble without choice into pre-destined fates and live out lives constructed to a perfection made so easy that freedom feels more like a curse than a blessing.” Minki stares outwards to the water, bitter smile pressing to the keys of his lips, until Jonghyun tosses rocks in Dongho’s face and Minhyun catches sight of Minki's fists tightening in the loose sand, colouring his perfect nails black.“That could hurt someone -"_

_“Dongho doesn’t look like he minds –“ No, if anything their oblivious idiot of a friend is just throwing the rocks back into Jonghyun's face._

_He looks away when Jonghyun tackles Dongho to the ground in retaliation. Partly because that’s not a round that’ll end well and partly because he feels strange for looking at it at all when it feels obvious that the two of them are making no moves to include them in - whatever idiocy they're participating in. “Do they know they could injure each other that way too?”_

_“We could save them.” Minki leans down on the ground and pulls him back so their heads are stuck to each other on the loose sand, bodies cushioned only by their overly expensive long black padding coats. “Or not.”_

_“Or not.” Minki confirms, eyes shutting by his._

_And since he no longer has a friend to turn to. He turns back towards the choice he'll never make._

_At this distance, standing by the water, Kim Jonghyun’s wet streaked hair makes him look like he’s emerged from the ocean itself like a child born out of nature with no responsibilities or duties to mankind and it's superificial problems._

_Of course, this isn’t necessarily true. In reality, Kim Jonghyun is a child of an impoverished family who very much has to answer to responsibilities and duties._

_But it’s freeing for Minhyun to see Jonghyun revel in this false version of himself._

_The false Jonghyun is king of more than himself. He has ownership of the elements that gave birth to him. He can bend them to his will to float above water, to dance with the droplets that circle his frame like magic with every spin he makes so that the wind can kiss him dry and release him from the shackles of Kim Jonghyun's true reality._

_It’s a feeling Minhyun will never have the luxury to imagine._

_Staring at this false Jonghyun, Minhyun is able to better understand what it is he feels inside of him when he sees the other boy._

_It’s envy. An aching envy that Jonghyun has the ability to overcome himself any time he wants._

_And all Minhyun has is expectation. Made of him. With no guarantees that he will ever really get what he wants._

_He feels ownership too. Possession is something that licks at his insides deviously, pushing him to act out and ask for more and more and more from Jonghyun._

_And he feels fear too. Fear that he’ll ask for something he should not. Fear that he’ll ask for something Jonghyun will find disgusting. Fear that Jonghyun will ask for something back._

_The water, Jonghyun’s ever loyal subject, must feel the same way he does. It hovers at his back, like an army waiting to be called to the battle front to defend it's stake on it's false king._

_Minhyun's body shakes as he lifts himself off the ground and thunders towards the front, ready to defend his position as another feeling blossoms within._

_The cold air burns through his body, legs scraping as he falls over himself and screams. Emotion and nonsense rip through his lungs as Jonghyun finally turns to look at him, shocked and befuddled by what's caused him to scream like a mad man._

_But it’s already too late._

_Just as Jonghyun makes the smallest of steps away from his terror –_

_The ocean swallows him whole._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you feeling better?”

Their feet lift off the last stair towards the pressed tarmac of Hana’s private airport and Minhyun turns around.

Back in the small plane, Donghan’s lips turn at the corner, head bowed in acknowledgement before he turns back to his co-pilot with a wider, softer smile taking Minhyun's place.

It’s a dismissal and so he looks forward to his future as the wind wraps her up in its invisible embrace, hair draped over her face until she’s barely visible through the tornado. “Yeah, I feel a little better.”

Doyeon lets out a huffy breath as he presses a quick kiss to the corner of her lips and he steps back, bemused by the silent confusion she’s choosing to stew in. “How did I not know?”

He stays silent. At this point, it feels like there’s so much he’s kept hidden from her that she could be talking about any number of things – “What do you mean?”

She leans a little forward, the tips of her heels kiss the toes of his shoes and she looks up at him with questions he’s certain his eyes don’t have answers to. “How did I not know about your air sickness? You fly all the time.” Her eyebrows muddle together in confusion before they direct themselves to the ground in a shame. It makes him feel apologetic that somehow Donghan's revelation of his weakness has made her feel like a failure. If anyone should feel like a failure - it should be him. “We’ve even flown together before. So – I mean – how did I not know?”

Sure, they’ve flown together. Short little flights. Macau. Malaysia. Bali. Destinations that don’t really count as ‘international’ travel from Seoul.

But his Doyeon wouldn’t notice that they’ve never strayed too far away from home because she’s not built to recognize the material value in him.

He’s worth something more to her.

The same way she’s worth something more to him.

“Doyeon-ah, “Minki starts smiling at him like he’s trying to relieve him of his thoughts. It's Minki's greatest blessing upon his life...and Minki's greatest curse. “Minhyun’s always been like that – since we were babies. He spent most of our kindergarten trip to Japan in the toilet with his nanny trying to break the Guinness World Record for number of times you can throw up in an hour long flight-”

Minhyun grits his teeth together as he looks to his bitchy best friend who is walking with his arms wrapped over Dongho’s shoulders like the buffer man is nothing more than his glorified cane. “Thank you for reminding me of that very pleasant memory –“

Minki comes over, one hand on his shoulder so Minhyun can be his human walking stick instead. “I’m always here for you Hwang Minhyun. Whatever you need. You know that."

“I very rarely, if ever, need what you offer.” He sours before looking back to Doyeon to make sure she’s not still feeling upset.

But the expression of worry she’d worn before for his eyes has completely disappeared in front of Dongho and Minki.

Maybe it’s because Dongho and Minki can have that effect on people-

But he has a feeling it has more to do with the fact that she’s been forced into honing her craft. She’d always been a good actress but now that she’s been forced to wear a mask so often - it's starting to become innately part of her to always be putting on a performance.

“Hyung!” Daniel pulls on him with so much force that he’s ripped out of  Minki and Doyeon’s grasp to be hurtled straight into his younger cousin's. “Thank you so much! Hawaii –“He lets out a breath, head tilted up to greet the sun so the omnipresent flame can fleck the brown of his eyes. “I forgot what going on these trips is like.”

“It’s nothing, Niel.” Has it been that long since Daniel felt rich? Is it that easy to forget what it’s like to be a part of them? “Thank Doyeon, she’s the one who chose to have the wedding here -”

“I make all the important decisions in the family now, Niel-ah.” Doyeon's doing her best to keep a straight face as she looks at him but it completely breaks down when her eyes glance over to Daniel and she lays an easy hand on his arm so the younger boy can release his hold on her fiance. “You can trust me to make the right choices for you.”

Daniel’s arms tighten over his shoulders and he turns to look at him, caught off guard by the almost perfectly shielded hostility he sees beneath Daniel's gaze. “About time. Our family likes to make wrong choices, don’t we hyung?”

Daniel hasn’t said anything that rude. It’s perfectly timed and teased and everyone around them is laughing –

But there’s a plague of shame inside of him that puddles at the foot of his lungs.

One very bad decision he made for the other boy comes easily to mind.

It’s a very different Daniel.

Sobbing, shrieking, retching.

And it’s the same Minhyun.

Useless, weak, and a failure when it counts.

He’d asked Daniel that day to look him in the eyes and believe beyond anything else the younger boy held close to his heart that what happened was the result of a right decision.

Even if the outcome was horrifically wrong.

Daniel hadn’t listened.

He’d crashed into the bathroom tub, palms dug deep into his eyes because words don’t stop the world from turning but as Minhyun saw rivers of water run down his cousin’s face he felt certain that day Daniel’s world stopped turning.

Looking back on it, he’s not quite sure if any of what happened was what he’d consider a ‘right’ choice.

But that, in itself, is the true mystery behind choices.

Behind door 1 is one destiny and door 2 is another and discovering both would mean divinity.

So maybe Daniel hates everyone here for taking this other reality away from him – even if he’ll never say it out loud.

And without the words –  Minhyun will never be able to ask him for forgiveness. “I wouldn’t say all his choices are bad, Daniel.” With her hands on her hips, Doyeon walks with a distinct measure of power behind her steps so she can whip the door of the white limousine waiting for them open. ”Sometimes, Minhyun makes good choices too.”

“Is she talking about herself or the limo? I can't tell -” Minki mutters under his breath.

To defend his future bride’s subpar retort, he whacks Minki over the head but laughs with him anyways.

“Just go with it.” Dongho snickers back with the shame to hide his laugh behind his hands when Doyeon shoots him a particularly fiery glare as he ducks into the car. "I said nothing."

Minki sashays towards the door, as usual, with drama and pausing only to press a series of kisses all along Doyeon’s scrunched up face. “What’s all that affection for Minki?”

“For picking Hawaii, my love from another star!” Doyeon beams at the reference to her favourite soapy T.V. show while Minki continues to offer up grateful waves towards the clear blue sky. “I’ve been on some horrible islands before with horrible encounters but Hawaii’s weather is great – and it’s looking pretty good so far – despite the black sand beach –“

The puddle of water in his lungs floods reaching for the passageways that direct air from his heart to his voice to his breathing.

Doyeon pushes Minki into the car herself. “Get in before you make us late. We have the welcome luncheon soon and there’s too much to do before the commercial flights start landing. I need to make sure things are ready for when Seongwoo and Yoojung get here –“

“Yes, my bridezilla, Choi Minki is only concerned with your happiness from this day forward!” Minki swoops backwards into the car, falling flat onto Dongho’s lap as the other man voices a sound of surprise but runs his hands through Minki’s fine hair.

Daniel is a little less dramatic but thankful as he bows. “Seriously, noonim – thank you. I needed this break.”

“Never a problem, Daniel. You know you’re my favourite cousin – just don’t tell the Jinyoung. He likes to act like he doesn't want to be my favourite - but we all know he loves me more than his real brother in law." She pats Daniel's head with all the affection of a real sister and Minhyun feels his insides twist with that fluttery feeling that only Doyeon gives him when she starts to – just _fit_.

Daniel's smile softens into a shade of itself as he nods his assent before dipping into the limo.

A long time ago - Daniel was the only one of them who could smile safely.

Always a little too pudgy for his own good, always a little more attracted by lights than he was by books, always a little more joyous than proper - Daniel was the epitome of a flower born in their sewer.

But today, he looks like a counterfeit version of that child.

And Minhyun wonders if it's all his fault.

“Hey – you – “

His head whips up to see Doyeon giggling behind a perfectly manicured hand. “Yes?”

She shrugs, hands ducked behind her back as she pushes the upper half of her body out just the slightest bit. “Nothing. You just look so cute standing there with the wind from the propellers in your hair –“

“Really?” He scrunches his lips together. “Should I hire them to follow me wherever I go?”

She bursts out laughing before clearing her throat into her fist, the image of propriety again but at least this time it's not real. “I know you’re rich enough to do whatever you want but I feel compelled to say that would be a bad impulse purchase, rich man. The renovations required to fit it in your office alone would be ludicrous.”

He places one hand on his chin. “I don’t know. I could have the entire office remodeled –“

Doyeon laughs and leaps forward with a pronounced jump. “Come on, are you going to just stand there? We seriously have to go.”

“Yup. I’ve decided to stand here for the rest of my life.” Doyeon’s looks annoyed. Mouth a little less twisted in that fake smile of hers, eyes darkened instead of robotically happy and perfectly coiffed hair in tatters that beg order from his fingers. “It’s that much easier to admire you from here.”

Her expression hitches; irritation swirling into appeasement before she comes over to circle her arms over his waist. “Hwang-nim,” An bubble of heat builds at the pit of his stomach at the way Doyeon utters the name – a little teasing, eyes hooded just so as her lips stretch wide and perfect to show off the smallest lick of her lips. “Admiring me from afar won’t yield favourable results.”

If everyone just disappeared – it would be so much easier for them to pretend the way he loves. “Why did we decide to share the car with our friends again?”

She bursts into a bout of giggles before she tilts her chin up, signalling permission for him to take what he loves despite the complaints that would no doubt come from the car if they're late because Hwang Minhyun wanted to kiss Kim Doyeon against the backdrop of Hawaii's sun.

And just before their lips touch - Doyeon stops.  “Who says we’re going with our friends?”

His eyes flash open in surprise, connecting in perfect harmony with the innocent smile tattooed on his bride’s face as she leans backwards to whack her palm on the back of the limo with enough force to buck a wooden cart of bulls to move.

The limo, thankfully, moves quicker and swifter and in moments it’s disappeared into the jungle along with the other cars that are present for the rest of their family.

All save for one beautiful white Aston Martin Vanquish Volante convertible that glimmers in the light of the sun as Doyeon waves a key in the air before walking over to lean back against the hood of the car like every teenage boy's Grand Theft Auto fantasy. “Still know how to use your license?”

Who the hell cares? Everyone else has left anyways -

His lips swoop down on her, hands over hips till Doyeon responds with equal energy, right leg locking over him so there's no way for him to look back. “You’re amazing.”

“I know. Join the fanclub.” Doyeon teases with one final peck to his lips before she taps his back playfully. "Now, as much as I would love to show Hawaii a show they'll never forget we have a wedding luncheon to finalize and host in a little less than 2 hours and a wedding planner who has been messaging me non-stop through the flight so chop chop Hwang driver-nim, we're getting late -"

He feigns a groan as he walks over to the driver’s seat, if only to incite a sympathy from Doyeon he can take advantage of later. 

It is wonderful that she's planned everything without him though. It leaves him with nothing else to do but torture himself with the presence of someone who it appears now, will never really leave his life.

It's when they're driving on the coastline and Doyeon keeps fiddling with the radio stations and the volume to combat the loud blare of air in the car that he sees it.

Beyond the trees on the right end of the railings that keep this road away from Hana safe - just as the air hostess had promised – is a beach.

Made entirely of black sand.

And here -

Where ocean meets cloudless sky, a body salutes the burning sun before sinking deep into the water.

And this time Kim Jonghyun doesn’t turn to look at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doyeon wasn't joking.
> 
> Join the fanclub.
> 
> Or at least watch Crush - girlfriend is servinggggggg


End file.
